Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Suara-suara di Luar Negara

"Daddy! Daddy! Mommy said she hates me," kata si kanak-kanak perempuan.
"Stop it! Stop it I tell you," kata si bapa.
Bus kemudian berhenti dan mereka turun dalam kesunyian.

"I charge double today since it's a holiday," kata si pemandu teksi yang berasal dari luar dari negara ini.
"Double?!" kata bapaku dalam nada terkejut.
"I would want to be with my family like the others as well but I'm working," kata si pemandu teksi itu lagi.
'Macam engkau sambut juga seperti mereka yang lain. Cibai.' aku berkata dalam hati.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Finish Packing

Burung putih yang terbang kini untuk kami. Tetapi pada kali ini, burung itu berbahasakan arab.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Cayalah lu!

This is going to make my blog way more personal than before. But what the heck, it's not as if people read it anyway.

Look at the red arrow I sluggishly made and just ignore the rest. Warden pon dah ade email. Dan ya, saya masih suka pada mail classic, terima kasih.


Monday, December 14, 2009


After having this insane itch to do something less stressful in the midst of heavy examination, project and assignment mayhem, I decided to go to the driving range to hit some balls. It was more "I need to go" somewhere than "I need to hit some balls" type of scenario.

My ever "lost" house mates came with as they have preconceived perception on the game of golf. First they taught that since I didn't drive the car I drove last year (anda faham?) that I couldn't get into the clubhouse itself let alone the driving range. Then they thought that they would have to fork out a lot of dough. Lastly, they did think that golf wasn't a "sport" and that it is as easy as it looks.

The first misconception made me a bit sketchy myself as I have never drove my viva to a golf club before. All the nervousness washed out as we came to the guard house. The guard immediately lifted the gates without hesitation and even tried to sell us some golf balls. (Guard itu tidak car-cist rupanya). Then when it came to paying for the golf balls at the range, I said I would pay for the first 50 balls each since they were skeptical about the payment. After they found out that it was just a mere RM3 for 50 balls, they later added another 50 and paid on their own. (Selepas 50 bola pertama, mereka gian ingin memukul lagi..lepas geram agaknya).

Then came the biggest surprise, well to them, out of the whole ordeal. Ordeal ke?? The "non-sport" made them sweat, have blisters and some muscle pain. This is the result of no stretching and no gloves. Not a sport they say. As I watched in amusement at how they tried to concentrate on hitting this small white ball as far and as straight as they can. Luckily there weren't to many people near us as we might have had to send one of them to the hospital with the way the guys were hitting (but applause for consistency). Ha ha ha. After I taught them some of the basics (that I know of) they found it to be fun and tiring.

So in the end I am here, writing this somewhat useless post about an all too common saying "don't judge a book by it's cover".

Heh, bosan.

p/s: kepada mereka yang masih lagi adamant golf bukan satu sukan, sila jumpa kawan2 saya. Saya suruh mereka membawa anda memukul. (Jangan risau, mereka tidak mengajar).

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Shining kaplalu

"Mak engkau pernah cakap yang engkau dapat offer promotional ad," kata si kawan.
"Ya, pernah dahulu mase kecik-kecik," aku jawap.

"Kenapa kau tak ambil je, advertising banyak duit tu," kata si kawan dengan muka confident.
"Tak sesuai dengan imej aku," aku cuba memberitahu.

"Tak sesuai?" tanya si kawan.
"Ya. Ad untuk pemutihan gigi salah sebuah toothpaste company di negara ini" aku cerita lagi.

"Ha, tak ke bagus untuk imej engkau tu," si kawan menambah cakap.
"Not when its for the before pictures," aku terang kepada si kawan.

Damn it.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Hoi orang bandar

"Engkau datang sini main sorang-sorang?" kata pak cik tak dikenali.
"Yup," aku jawap.

"Berapa lubang?" bertanya si pakcik itu lagi.
"18," aku menjawap malas.

"Engkau orang pertama datang pagi-pagi ni. Tengok-tengok sikit monyet ...bla bla bla.." sambung si pak cik itu dengan kadar yang agak lama.
"Baikla," aku menjawap lagi malas.

"Engkau ni memang tak banyak cakap?" pak cik itu bertanya dalam tonasi keciwe.
"Yup," aku menjawap.

Aku basuh tangan dan membawa diriku pergi. Dalam hati 'Sial, dalam tandas pon nak berborak dengan strangers ke?'

Thursday, December 3, 2009


"Kau bukan pernah buat audition ke dulu untuk an ad or something?" kata seorang.
"Ya, dulu ada. Tapi lepas satu audition aku tak dapat, aku malas." aku jawap.
"Kenapa tak dapat?" beliau sambung tanya.
"Mereka kata aku tiada ekspresi muka. Muka stoned sentiasa." aku jawap lagi.
"Bukan memang watak orang stone ke?" beliau tak henti tanye.
"Ya, dan mereka juga inginkan perempuan." aku jawap.


Moral of the story: Baca skrip.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

One day at a time

Mereka kata "kau dah gemok."
"Aku makan," aku menjawap.

"Kau dah kurus." mereka kata.
"Aku kurang makan," jawap aku.

"Kau gila," mereka kata.
"Kurang ubat" aku membalas.

"Kau sihat," mereka sambung.
Aku menjawap "ubat dah cukup."

"Kau punk," mereka kata.
"Aku rock dan roll," aku jawap.

"Kau formal" mereka cakap.
Aku senyap. Toleh kebelakang dan berjalan.


Monday, November 23, 2009

Kertas Hati

After having just finished watching Paper Heart I thought of posting in the lines of what the semi-documentary or mockumentary was portraying but it would get really personal to do so.

It did got me thinking of the variety one distinguishes in being in love. People have there own preferences of the ideal mate. Does opposite really do attract or is that just a myth brought to meet people up from different backgrounds? Like everything else in this world, it's rather complex but yet the most simpler form of affection.

In other words, it's fucking complicated.

Some people can tolerate things than others. Although there is scientifically proven chemistry in love, there is nothing that beats the magic of it. Well that was from a biologist she interviewed in the movie so I'm guessing he's right (the cliché of nodding the things that comes out from the mouths of doctors and scientist). Ha ha ha. What am I blabbing about? I myself am mystified.

So sip that cup of joe and live for the moment will ya.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

/ˈkreɪ zi/

I can't sleep. Now thats not something new if you knew me well and especially since I have an early class tomorrow. So here I am trying to post something to amuse myself. Things are getting a wee personal here in this blog ain't it? Ha ha ha.

There's this kind of miss conception that only girls (and celebrities) get hit on or worse yet stalked. This is, from my experience and those around me, untrue. Although it may seem a little bit uncommon but do believe me when I say it happens. Sometimes it gets a little too ugly for my taste. Unknown callers, unknown messengers and other form of communications.

I think it all started, at an early age mind you (I dub 14 and 15 as early age, heh) with the oh so common, rumor type, "she likes you" sentence from another friend. I think its common on both side of the sexes. I used to be a very private person, I think I still am in different ways, although my blog begs to differ. I remember the "my friend likes you" talks. As I grew older, my sense of humor began to develop (and still am hopefully) so I began to interact with these people because I'm just good like that (someone is dying of laughter right now).

To know me well is, i believe, hard. Not in that arrogant, snobbish celebrity kind of way but more of because you have to endure my, as some call and agree, "evilness". I once had a girl dedicated and sang to me before. Another person also made me food, which although sounds soooo me, I didn't eat. I gave it to the boys at my house.

I try to be very responsive, as much as I can, to these, ummm.. advances?. Sometimes though I get irritated. I guess thats why I have deleted my account on two socializing sites. I got a message earlier asking for my ym which I thought was inappropriate since a) I didn't know her b) it was the freaking first message from her, ever.

There was another person who said her name was Eve (her real name isn't Eve but the Islamic version of it). I replied my name is not Adam, which I thought was the lamest joke I could have ever came up with. She replied "apa awak cakap ni?". At this point I knew this was going nowhere if you knew me well but I tried to poke it for awhile amusing myself with her questions and reactions. She then said that she was looking for a nice guy to be her boyfriend. I replied "well, good for you". She then replied back saying "nape good?". I was dumbfounded and not in the good positive way.

I can get along with people fairly well if I liked their personality. Although I do have some more stories to tell but this time we'll just leave it here. Maybe on another time. Probably. So I guess what I'm saying is that it doesn't always happen to girls.

note: Most of the messages from the girls mentioned above were in reality in Malay. Just translate it into your most annoying tone.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Isi Jalan

I find it fascinating how an idea comes about. Like how the show Entourage is loosely based on the career of their executive producer Mark Wahlberg and I bet you that some of The Beatles's songs was inspired after smoking some herbal cigarettes. Ha ha.

I'm here to share with you, yes the two of you, how I came about having a not so long story made here in this blog. I wrote it , like many other post before it, with past stories in mind, a bunch of fantasies with music as my driving force for the flow of the story. So here I'm posting the songs I had listened to when I wrote that damn thing. Just for you to understand it better? and because its my blog.


1. You Only Live Once – The Strokes.
2. Main Offender – The Hives
3. Anarchy in the UK – Sex Pistols

1 km
1. Modern Nature – Sondre Lerche
2. The Way – Fastball
3. Virginia Moon – Foo Fighters

2 km
1. Drive – Incubus
2. 1234 - Feist
3. A Hard Rain's A-Gonna Fall – Bob Dylan

3 km
1. Subtitles – Eric Hutchinson
2. Transmission – Joy Division
3. She’s in Fashion – Suede

4 km
1. Heroes - Wallflowers
2. This is not a test - She & Him
3. Mad World – Gary Jules

5 km
1. Hope for the Hopeless – A Fine Frenzy
2. The World You Love – Jimmy Eat World
3. Oh, It is Love - Hellogoodbye

1. Warmest Part of winter - Voxtrot
2. Wires - Athlete
3. Halfway Home – Jason Mraz

Dah macam soundtrack plak. But no worries. Like I'd care that much. So if you do not know any one of the songs and would like to listen to 'em please youtube them. I do not condone the act of piracy. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. I cried myself in laughter jap tadi.

To those who have any other songs that would go with the story please leave it in the comment box. Ha ha ha.

Friday, November 13, 2009


I have just arrived at the airport and got on the train to meet up with Mark.

It has been 25 years since that trip and I remember it like it was yesterday. All of us have gone to other countries taking jobs we never knew we were even qualified for. Mark is a well known agent for a big talent agency while Daisy is a big executive in a record company. As for me I'm a little known film director.

All of us have met up few times a year but we haven't had the time in these last 5 years. Work commitments and the long flights have made it difficult.

Mark has 5 children with his European born wife which was quite a shocker to all since he was the first one to tie the knot. Daisy was married for awhile and had one child before she got a divorce. I have not taken the plunge but had gone through some hits and misses as it was with my career.

It was in the middle of winter when I had heard the news and got on the first flight here. The train ride felt like a lifetime as I reminisced times gone by. The time we had a laugh in our hometown, the times when we pranked the substitute teachers, the concerts we would go to just to avoid the many angry faces at home and of course that trip.

As I arrived at the destination Mark was waiting standing on the deck of the train station. Wearing this grey overcoat with the collars up. We was still puffing away at a light cigarette even though he had quit for the last 5 years. I got off the train and met him with a warm hug that went numb because of the cold weather. We took our bags and hoped on a cab to the hospital.

Daisy's son, John, greeted us there. We could see he had been sleeping in the hospital as pillows and a blanket was on top of the sofa. We saw her on the bed with her eyes closed. John said that she had been in a coma for the last few months but there was no good news to tell us. She was rapidly deteriorating.

We took turns accompanying her in the last couple weeks of her life on earth. She died shortly before the end of winter. Before we knew it, we were all giving eulogies at the funeral. It was an intimate funeral with few close friends and families. Distraught at the way it ended Mark, John and I stayed up all night in silence in front of the fireplace with a cup of hot coco.

Before dawn broke we took John's car and drove the night away. We reached the beach not too long afterwards and sat looking at the sunset. Telling of stories gone by to each other. I brought along a compilation cd with our favorite song on it. Put it in the car and just laid on the beach looking up at the sky.

"I fall asleep with my friends around me,
The only place I know I feel safe;
I'm gonna call this home.
The open road is still miles away.
Ain't nothing serious,
We still have our fun.
Oh we had it once.
But windows open and close,
That's just how it goes."

She's made it, somewhere.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Useless facts 2

The Chinese, in olden days, used marijuana only as a remedy for dysentery.

If you really had dysentery than you really do need some good shit (no pun intended). Ha ha ha.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009


As we finished our scrumptious dessert we headed back on the road. Destination, home. Mark took to the wheels this time around. It was the freeway, the wind brushing ever so gently calling for us to go home. Mark drove slowly just to piss off the cars coming behind us. We would laugh whenever they overtook us and honked 
at our car while making that pissed off look. The night was coming. The sun slowly came down as the sun rays dimmed softly behind all the fluffy clouds.

The three of us silent in our thoughts. The sound of the stereo surrounded the mood. Each and everyone of us thinking of what's to come. We were the kind of people that lived each day as it passed but that day, that particular day we stood in front of our futures searching for the answers to all of our burning questions. What will become of us in a couple of years time. Will we flourish in our desires or succumb to the public greed?

Daisy once said that we were the total opposite of creative and that we shouldn't go into the arts. We were more the commentators of art from afar but somehow that what made us click. Our love for the arts as outsiders. We weren't going to pick up an instrument or a brush any time soon but we were content. For that brief moment we felt like art. We were somehow important. Breaking out of our shells and into the world. For once, we were, us.

The world somehow knew what the state our minds were in so before we became muted by too much pondering around, the stereo softly produced few sounds of bass and drums that would later become Jimmy Eat World's 'The World You Love'. Without hesitation or any awkward winks, the three of us simultaneously sang the song word by word. It was less than a stellar showing of melodic harmonies but that was the nature of the song. Then came our favorite part of the song and we took the volume to another notch higher.

"I fall asleep with my friends around me,
The only place I know I feel safe;
I'm gonna call this home.
The open road is still miles away.
Ain't nothing serious,
We still have our fun.
Oh we had it once.
But windows open and close,
That's just how it goes."

We saw the sun sets in the mist. We were home. We sent Mark first. Then I took Daisy back to her home. We had little chats on the way back. It wasn't a long journey as we all lived close by to one another. When we arrived and she got out of the car, I breathed deeply at what I was about to do later. 

I followed her and asked to talk in front of her house. Her mom was already pissed off that we went out on a school day so she didn't mind the screaming in the background. I never regretted saying it to her. Especially her. 

I told her I was falling for her. We both stood there silent, looking at each other. She knew. I knew. We both knew.

I got into my car and drove back for my interrogations.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Useless facts 1

Clinophobia is the fear of beds!

Which I think all of MMU doesn't have. As a matter of fact, I don't think anyone I know has it.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Tin bergema

Inspirasi tergendala akibat hancurnya emosi luaran. Tapi aku tahu, ia tidak akan berkekalan selamanya.

Mungkin sampai satu masa nanti, manusia akan nampak betapa indahnya manusia lain dan tidak selalu pandang pada cermin semata-mata.

Intonasi suara luaran terlalu kuat walaupun pada hakikatnya dasar dalaman dan asas penyuaraan itu lemah dan kosong.


The breeze of fresh air surrounded the interior of the car. Nature's air condition they say. Wallflower's 'Heroes' was playing from one of many cd compilations we did. We weren't the kind of kids blessed with wealthy families that could easily go to the music stores and buy cds. Plus we would make our own "perfect" albums albeit without the licensing.

My stomach began to grumble. So we stopped at a nearby hawker stall. It was those van turn stall type of things where they sell rojak, cendols and other side hawker foods. As we were slurping away at our cendol pulut, an old man walked to our table. It was a little van so there was little amount of tables that were set up.

This man walking with a cane brought along one of his grandchild for company. There were there to get their usual cendol to take back home. He began to make small conversations asking us where we were from and all that. He then reminisced about the good ol' days.

"This plot of land used to be a forest you know" he said. "There used to be a river flowing right were that drainage used to be" he added. "We used to go out hunting on the weekends. Now it's all developments. Buildings and houses rising everywhere. I just hope my grandchildren does not live in a world where they forget their roots, their origins" he said as he patted the head of his grandchild. All of us just nodded in agreement.

When his order arrived he took it in one of his hand and the other on his cane. His grandchild helped him up. Hold him tightly as they were going to cross the street. He looked at us and said "I guess this is goodbye then. Hope to see you guys again". We only smiled back as to say goodbye.

We looked at each other as if one of us were about to say something but there was silence as the breeze took the words out of our mouths.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009


This "trip" was not something new as we have all gone through skipping school and going out before but somehow this redefined and amplified our teenage years. It was basically coming to an end. Our mischievous and weirdly awkward pranks on others have now become the thing of the past. It was a transition that none of us ever thought possible.

Mark had always been one of those cool guy in our school. The early rebel. The guy that could do anything at school whether good or bad and would still make it look cool. He wasn't this way early on when I met him though. He would get made to buy stuff for the older kids on our playground where most of our adolescent life was spent.

Then one day he had an epiphany of some sort when we were watching 'Rebel without a cause' starring James Dean. He was hooked. He started little by little as at first he copied James Dean's look and eventually progressing as the years gone by. It did hurt him a little as he sometimes hung out with what your parents would define as the bad kids but he knew his boundaries.

He was my co-driver in all forms. Most of the kids at school never knew why someone like him would hang out with someone as primitive as I was but none of us mind, as would the rest, eventually. Plus he knew Kiyoshi well so he was obvious choice for a co-driver.

The first time I saw Daisy was in freshman year of high school. She was in my class and all I could think of was how beautiful she was. Her eyes twinkled with the sight of sunshine coming through, not in that storm x-men kind of way but beautiful. She was one of the most beautiful and popular kid at school. Outgoing and warm hearted she was even clever.She easily became my first crush.

We then knew each other personally during the senior year of high school and later on became best friends. She was always supportive of the two of us even if Mark and me didn't have the slightest of chances. That was how she was I guess. Her smile would take all the bad in this world away for one brief moment.

We were in this "trip" together. The whole nine yards, every inch of the way. Two guys, one girl, with no particular place to go.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Guna Bakul

Tagged by Fariza Aziz..

Copy this list in a new reply. Put your player on shuffle/random and then put the next singers name on the answer. If it's a group/band, the first person who sings is the one that you write.

(My particular tagged is brought to you by my iTunes, thank you)

Your friend
Elthon John
yes...this somehow proves im no homophobe..haha

BFF (Best friend forever)
John McCrea (Cake)
We used to play guli together dulu2..it was the golden era they say.

Your crush
Fat Mike (NOFX)
yup, I like em thick...

Your teacher
Irv Gotti
thats why i got this gun in my bag..

The one that's teasing you on the breaks
Colbie Caillat
teasing me on the breaks??what does that even fucking mean..haha

The bus driver
is........Amy Winehouse.
All of my assets go to charity wrote my will.

Your lover
Marc Almond (Soft Cell)
apparently i like em extra skinny too..*sigh*

The person that cheated on you
Katy Perry.
it was probably with a girl..and oh yeah, she liked it..

Your idol
Paula Cole..
She's teaching me the art of 90's music..yes.

The popular brat
Robin Thicke
Need i say more??

The teachers petnews
P. Ramlee..
that must have been a very old teacher i might add..

The one that always comforts you
Julian Casablancas (The Strokes)
comforts me with booze and drugs..i like..haha

The person that secretly has a crush on you
Gia Farrell.

Your stalker
Sam Endicott (The Bravery)
Probably because of the tons of money i borrowed and never paid back...don't look at me that way, It was an honest mistake..haha

The person that you're jealous of
Brody Dalle (The Distillers)
i guess because she's living the dream..

The one that will save your life
Stine Bramsen (Alphabeat)
Wonky pop saved my life!!

Someone you're going to meet in the future
Micheal Buble
Boleh la..I was hoping it was somewhere in the lines of Jennifer Love Hewitt...

Your destiny
Imel (Ten2Five)
I'm destined for what??


Beliau berfikiran bahawa beliau baik
beliau tak baik
percayalah, beliau jahat
beliau ada 2 mata..hey, menarik kot!
beliau sebenarnya tak ada perkara menarik.

Saya pernah tembak orang.
Saya suka pada air suam
Ya saya suka pada dan bukan minum air suam.
Tangan saya pernah patah akibat bermain bola
Saya pernah masuk wad untuk denggi ketika World Cup 2002
Saya kurang suka pada nyamuk
ya, kurang.
Saya kurang berminat pada dunia politikus
Hobi makan saya sudah menjadi satu staple dalam dunia keliling
Saya kurang suka pada nasi.


Tiada siapa yang layak menerima "award" ini.
tetapi jika anda ingin membuat tag ini silakan..jangan sesekali ingat ini satu hadiah..

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

2 km

Endless tar ahead. I've dabbled at the idea of actually going somewhere on the highway but have never even thought of the actual possibility especially with Kiyoshi. We couldn't go that fast as to comply with the current mechanical state of Kiyoshi but it never really mattered. With the windows rolled down and the stereo producing tunes of an era gone by it was to most dull, but that was us. It wasn't a long journey through the highway though since we couldn't afford to go that far, so we ended going out on the 2nd exit.

It led to a winding pathway with trees left and right for comfort. There were people selling fruits and other types of food along the way. Kiyoshi didn't have the best of antenna's so we opted to bring our own cd's to bring on the "trip". Stashed cd's on the floor of the car decorated the interior. The breeze that day softly brushes our skin. The sun shining bright but clouds shaded us enough from the hot atmosphere.Going only 50-60 kilometers an hour along this winding road. So there we were two guys, one girl, one car with no particular place to go.

Our conversations inside the car became the focal point of the trip. Topics verifying with each passing times. At first we would talk about school. About the strains of being a teenager or what your parent would say "young adult" to make you feel mature (it doesn't by the way). This was our rebellious years. Sticking it to the man, or in our actual case sticking it to the principal whom have been rumored to wanted to retire ever since we got into the school. Our school topic became boring very easily since we just skipped school to go out wandering around.

Music instantly took over as our main topic of conversation. Mark lit his cigarette as all the windows were now opened. Except for one at the back, ever since me and mark "accidentally" shot the side door with firecrackers one night. Daisy started by saying, "who is your guilty pleasures to listen to". Me and Mark looked at each other looking all macho. It looked as if Mark was going to say "we're men, we don't have guilty pleasures. We only have pleasures." Or so I thought. He had one long puff and then he muttered out "Jessica Simpson." Me and daisy were dehydrated from laughing after that. Then Daisy said to me "don't just laugh".

I knew where this was heading, so I whispered "Kavana". "What?" said Mark. "Kavana. Okay. Happy?" I replied. Mark then said "at least mine was of the female form." "Kavana? Didn't he have like one hit album? Your into a one hit wonder?" Daisy added. "Yeah so. Moving on." I replied hastily. "Okay mine is Bob Dylan." said Daisy. Both me and Mark sounded out "What?!"."He's no guilty pleasure, he's a fucking legend for god sake" I added. "So what?" Daisy replied. Then all of us sat silently for awhile probably all thinking of one thing, Bob Dylan's "A Hard Rain's A-Gonna Fall".

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Makan Duit

People are born greedy and selfish. That's why babies cry to get things or how kids would scream till they get what they want. Adults are still greedy and selfish, it's just that some are more slick and subtle about their intentions. Still greedy and selfish nonetheless.

That's why there's loads of campaigns and stories that promotes charity and whatnot. We need to be reminded of it since we're not doing it.

Get it. Got it. Good.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Tutup Mulut

I used to get frustrated at those who are frustrated and somewhat concern about my lack of talking ability. Well I wouldn't put it as ability, more of an on and off motion. I'm partly sick and tired of those who say I'm arrogant and don't want to talk to them.

Look, believe me, your the lucky ones who don't have to hear me talk. When I don't have anything to say it's only because I really don't have anything to say. It's in the male genes to be simplistic.

I communicate differently from you as you communicate differently from the next guy and or girl. Next!

Monday, October 19, 2009

Konsistensi Lari

I have managed to annoy myself through my own blog.


Hilang dalam translasi

"Do i need to worry about you Bob?"

"Only if you want to."


Bising persekitaran. Lagi bising dari sebelumnya. Adakah ini realiti masa kini? Adakah kekuatan bunyi persekitaran ini menjadikan kita pekak terhadap dunia sendiri?

Aku menoleh ke belakang dan melihat keluarga bahagia. Tetapi kita tahu badan kita di tetapkan untuk mengarah ke hadapan.

Mungkin, pada satu masa akan datang, mungkin, kita bahagia.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009


Everyone's interesting until they talk.

You can quote me on that.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Patah Balik

As most of you might have known I once lived in the states and although it was mostly remembered about the life I had there, I do remember the acts that caught my ear at an early age. I wasn't a teenage rebel who listen to rock back then. It was more of the top 40 hits when I was a kid. Friends the television series was just starting and it was the late era of grunge. MTV and radios still preferred to give us the music rather than ads and other junk (*cough* reality shows *cough*). Today buoyed by my previous post I'm reliving, if you will, nostalgia.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Double Helix

Just to counter balance the previous post.

Kasih terlebih Sayang.

The Malaysian Government has approved of the Honeymoon package put fourth for husband and wives on the rocky road to divorce. Since there is an increasing amount of divorces among Malaysians, the Government are providing these honeymoon packages for free with the money coming from their respective state government.

Oh yeah, its free plus some counseling. To celebrate this modern era in relationship building let's listen to the perfect song for such an occasion:

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Musika permainan

Choose your own destiny they say. Who ever had said that must have not been a Malaysian or like the stereotypical Asian on those American movies. We aim to please. Sometimes with no actual benefits.

The give and take action has come to be the all taking hands at will. The life is drowning out of me. More and more as time passes. Becoming the androids that they want people to be. Ears are screeching with monotonous melodies. Colors the music paints is dying. I guess now I understand the meaning behind the song "American Pie".

"Singing, this will be the day that I die.
This will be the day that I die."

Rock and Fucking Roll!

Friday, October 9, 2009

1 km

We were in front of our classes standing silently mentally preparing for the day ahead. As with any other day it felt like it was going to be one of those long days at the office grinding out every parcel of our body just to get on with the day.

So on we went infiltrating the knowledge put forth until it came for a rest, recess if you will. We sat at the exact spot everyday for the last two years during recess. On this day we talked about running off. By the time the talk ended we had our bags in our hands. There were three of us contemplating the plan. Me, Mark and Daisy.

Sounds like more Dukes of Hazards than your daily trio but lived by. I knew Daisy not that long ago. Well I knew her but I didn't know her knew her until we were in the same class. Forced friends at first but we had so many things in common it was hard to ignore that we would later become best friends. We could talk for hours about everything and anything, and also not talk at all for hours just sitting and lazying around. The stark difference between me and her was that she had the brains. While we did the same amount of lazying around, we didn't share the same grades which kinda bug me but it passes.

The three of us had one foot out the gate while everyone else were busy eating. Instead of using the route of trees, mud and the occasional lizards that most of the "troublemaker" gangs used, we went through the side gate. Which was linked to a temple that was usually silent during school hours. Our theory of silence was spot on as there were more dust than homosapiens. So off we went headed towards my house, since my parents were at their offices and my siblings at school. We sat around in the house playing games and basically do what every teenager would do when skipping class, naps.

It was almost the end of the school day so I took the car keys to my beaten up old '78 Datsun that nobody seemed to not care about. I called her "Kiyoshi" which meant bright and shinning in the Japanese language. The irony. Starting the car had a precise maneuver in it, kicking the side of it before turning the keys. So off we went, as the car backfired a couple of times before eventually running smoothly. Stopped by Mark's and Daisy's house for them to also change their clothes. Like any other day in a beat up car with friends, we knew nothing of our destination. It has always been that way. "Livening the trip they say". So onwards to the highway.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Gegaran seismik

I'm watching back Freaks and Geeks and was reminiscing the good old days of high school (again!). Since the story is basically about the normal groups of stereotypical high school students I was thinking about the so called good 'ol times.

Yeah many of the good times that are engraved in the time capsule near the brain but some few often the opposite happens. The dark parts of the moon has somehow cleared its way towards your eyes. Most of my UPSR year was only remembered for the excessive slaps I got almost everyday. It was by the BM teacher who had hands bigger than my head. He also taught us Science and oh yeah, he was also our class teacher. Whoop-y...

I just got back from the states and was only really learning Bahasa back for a couple of years, so it was a little hard for me to grasp. Now don't get me wrong, It's not like I failed the subject or anything, it was just that I was not "up to standard" since I was "in the first class". We were already stereotyped and categorised at an early age. At first it was only him who was "picking on me". Later on even the English teacher asked me why I could get good grades in English and not Bahasa since it was our mother tongue.

I remember just shrugging it off almost everyday of the week and football kinda help with things. I guess thats how I learned to just turn off. Be blurred as they call it. It gave me the neccessary equipments to make it through high school where "your grades means yourlife". The categorization in high school only gets worse.

That could be for another time.

Monday, September 28, 2009

Lari Pantas

Resting myself from speaking metaphorically, I'm trying to consider on blabbing about raya. Maybe not. Malas. Lets have a synopsis shall we.

A week before raya, most of the guys (and some girls) from Gombak had the annual berbuka beramai-ramai thing. There were like 30 of us there and there would be the Peninsular Residence Hotel. Saup's dad gave him the money to spend it on all of us at the hotel. Gua makan sakan.

Then a couple of days later a handful of us went to bid farewell to Saup effin' early in the morning at KLIA. We lepak-ed at KLIA from 4a.m to 10a.m. Sahur at McD. Kali ni tak sakan sebab bayar sendiri.

Then a couple of days after that just two days before raya, sent my bro off at KLIA as well. Buka at the food court there.

A day before raya headed back to Lipis where we stayed till the 2nd raya. On the 2nd of raya went straight back to Muar and was back home on the 3rd of raya.


Side note: Saup itu nama pendek untuk Safwan.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Depresi kecil

Slowly manifesting into a huge ball of fire. The nuclear plant of the living is being taunted to its limits. Everybody is poking at different buttons to control the plant. Self explosions could be in matter of years, months, days, hours, minutes, seconds.

Everybody has their own agenda, there own use of the plant. Pushing every button without proper authorisations, even proper hard hats. Useless analogies of different meanings. Push that red button they say. Push the blue one they say.

I pushed the off button.

Eat me. Raw.

Saturday, September 19, 2009


Malam semalam angin kuat menusuk ke tulang. Kesejukan membawa hipotermia. Terasing dari dunia realiti. Awan hitam mewarnai persekitaran. Kami melambai burung putih yang ingin terbang. Jauh destinasi untuk tujuan yang mulia.Sesudah terbang burung itu kami pulang dengan kekosongan. Hujan yang turun menembusi emosi.

Hari ini pula mungkin lain. Mungkin berbeza dari tahun-tahun sebelumnya. Kebarangkalian untuk matahari bersinar sempurnanya kurang. Masih terdapat awan hitam sekeliling.

Friday, September 18, 2009


Two days ago it was a rehearsal so to speak.

Today it's D-Day. So let's see if any of the preparations has been enough to get through the day.

Monday, September 14, 2009


Kamu tekan nombor pin untuk keluarkan duit. Proses yang pada ketika itu cepat. Tekan dan duit keluar. Tetapi pada hakikatnya proses sebenar putaran emosi dua hala lebih lama dari yang di jangkakan.

Kamu tekan nombor pin untuk keluarkan duit. Mesin itu berkata kamu tiada wang. Tetapi pada realitinya kamu kaya. Kamu kaya daripada mereka yang inginkan duit semata-mata.

Kamu berfikir sendiri sebentar apabila tiga nombor sifar tertera diskrin.

Friday, September 4, 2009

Tunggu sebentar

As the voice said in that Kevin Costner's hit Field of Dreams : "If you build it they will come."

I've build my fashion runway. I'm waiting.

Sunday, August 23, 2009


I awoken to the loud noise of the alarm. It screeched even louder as I let it be for I was extremely tired. I took the alarm clock and threw it to the wall. Shattered pieces dropped to the floor. Damn. I woke up dead I thought. Dropped down to my natural being and went into the bathroom. Looking at the mirror half alive it took some big splashes of water to at least be aware of my surroundings. Dripping wet from the splashes I took out the essentials from the medicine cabinet in front of me.

It took awhile to finish up as most of the time drops of water splashed on the floor instead of anywhere near me. I searched for the ironed shirt I was to wear today. All white with my name on it. It would be the start of another semi-tiring day. I shook my head as I just realized today it was a tie compulsory day. Damn. I have never liked ties. Ever since I could remember it was some kind of choking equipment for me. Choking the life out of you as the day passes. By the end of it, you'd feel like those horror movie endings where the villain dies, and you, of course, the villain.

I was a villian in the making I always thought to myself. Trying to find that perfect timing to start my killing spree. I never would have thought that it would be this early in life. I stood silent at the dinning table drinking my morning coffee. As if somehow this drink will give me the energy I need to do what needs to be done. Little was to be done today. Had my mini sandwhich before finally calling my friend to pick me up. As usual he's 15 minutes late.

Its embeded in all of us here to be late especially among my gender. It will take a little while to be a customed to it but in the end everybody's 15 minute late for everything. So the car arrived and my friend, Mark, invited me into the car while his brother who was driving us stayed silent. Maybe he hadn't had that morning coffee to start his day. Off we went. It wasn't far but since we were that lazy we took the car. Me and Mark were quite close since we grew up in the same neighbourhood together our whole lives. As friends were, the first few years we wouldn't have talked much but later progessively we gelled well enough to be called best friends.

Both Mark and I arrived on the school grounds mili seconds before the first bell. Of course we couldn't have cared less.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

The Mask

Minta maaf atas post-post terdahulu yang membawa tona "honey and clover". Mungkin sebab permandangan aku terhadap dunia telah berubah atau aku sebenarnya sudah begini cuma kali ini ada platform untuk berinteraksi.

Atau juga sebab aku suka "honey and clover".


Saturday, August 8, 2009

White Snow

Berjalan bersendirian atas jalan licin tanpa pertolongan orang ramai, mungkin sesuatu yang bodoh. Jatuh berkali-kali tanpa dorongan. Satu detik keperitan dunia. Berjalan di tengah-tengah tasik beku di kelilingi tumbuhan mati dan angin yang kencang membunuh inspirasi pada mata yang memandang.

Kesejukan, kotor dan lemah kita masih cuba untuk menyeberangi tasik ini yang putih membeku hati masing-masing. Tangan-tangan mereka yang berdiri (dekat) untuk mendorong, dekat hanya pada mata tapi masih jauh untuk genggaman erat. Mereka yang tidak pedulikan kamu lebih dekat berbanding daripada merka yang mahu kamu berjaya.

Jangan rasa terpinggir, ambil tiket kamu dan beratur bersama-sama. Menunggu untuk ke kaunter.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009


Berhenti aku seketika untuk menerima se-adanya realiti kehidupan. Atmosfera dunia kini lebih laju berbanding sebelumnya. Permandangan jauh bagaikan aksi lumba kenderaan beroda. Hari-hari yang aku inginkan kedamaian adalah hari-hari masa lampau.

Ia bagaikan mereka ini melayan kelajuan untuk memenuhi sebahagian (besar) ruang kehidupan untuk bergembira. Pada waktu yang sama, mereka yang inginkan kelajuan separa di tindas dan di fikirkan tidak relevan pada masa kini. Lagi jauh pandangan orang, lagi bertambah kelajuan hidup.

Warna-warna kehidupan terdahulu di gantikan dengan warna-warna pudar yang pabila bergabung dalam kelajuan sebegini menjadi warna kelabu. Kelabunya kehidupan ini sudah menjadi keadaan yang di anggap biasa atau normal.

Lihatlah gambar kehidupan secara terpeinci agar gambar besarnya penuh warna.

Monday, August 3, 2009

Kurang relevan

I was thinking about life transitions. How are we different now from a few years ago, or a decade ago or so and so ago. Now when asked about what my goals was as a child I would have replied I didn't know. Okay, they actually asked in malay "apa cita-cita kamu?" and I didn't know what the word cita-cita meant so I replied no.

When I finally knew what it meant after hearing my friends answers, I still couldn't pin point a goal. I have always been a short term person, living each day as it passes, but at an early age I knew what I wanted to delve into. Peer pressures and typical conservative mindset manipulated my thoughts. Ever sense I saw Jim Carrey as a little kid I wanted to be a comedian, or at least something involving arts. My kindergarten years was mainly remembered for all the dances we had to do. One particular event we had done was a dance show at central market. I am ,in my mind anyway, a very shy guy but when I was on stage I couldn't have cared less.

Maybe it was because I was a little kid but something made me feel confident. Just like my love for writing. I feel differently about giving out my opinions while writing than talking in real life. Its a wonder why though. Perhaps its a bit of that freedom I feel when writing and the fact that I can delete any errors. Ha ha. There's this conservative template of answers to the question "apa cita-cita kamu" that most of the people I know use. Accountants, doctors and all other "professional" professions are usually the occupations chosen as answers.

I would think that I'd get these snobby facial expressions if I had the guts to say I wanted to be an artist at that time or at least those quizzical "owh's". People were not ready for answers such as artist, photographers and other "abnormal" jobs and I still don't think they are ready as yet. But perhaps there is a paradigm shift in the mentality of our nation and perhaps these mentality will change for the better.

Monday, July 27, 2009

Bangun dengan harapan

There is a fine line between success and failure. Sometimes, if not, most of the times these two intertwine with one another in a way that it reflects the growth of the human capacity. In today's ever changing dimensions it is up to us to slow things down and put everything in perspective. People are being too success driven that they are blind by what the effects are. Now we see the emergence of global warming and the financial crisis as foundation of the future decades to come.

We are like the fishes born in the rivers now in Malaysia. Take the Klang River as an example. I think ever since I was born it looked that way. We are like the fishes born in such a polluted environment that it is a norm when all it is, is our blindness to see the greater picture. Clear out the water as it may.

What have you done today that effects the population positively?

Monday, July 20, 2009


Atas permintaan diri sendiri, aku mula menaip untuk kekecohan hidup. Perkara penting yang aku ingin sampaikan ialah perkara yang menggegarkan. Kebosanan. Kamu semua tidak suka pada bosan. Bosan itu tanda kehidupan baik kerna tiada kekecohan, terutamanya drama di dalam kehidupan harian anda. Mereka semua perlukan konflik, gossip, drama untuk tidak bosan di permukaan bumi ini. Sesuatu yang mempunyai risiko tinggi amat diingini ramai walaupun perkara-perkara itu boleh membawa perkara negatif.

Jadi, anda inginkan kebosanan?

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Change of Face

Fahaman aku tentang perkara super natural kurang daripada manusia lain. Mungkin atas sebab aku android yang tiada tradisi masa lampau. Aku perlu ade perubahan personaliti mungkin. Mungkin.

Soket 13 watt charger aku mungkin tidak mencukupi untuk memberi aku perubahan hidup yang aku inginkan. Kurangnya keunikan tersendiri mungkin kerana persekitaran semasa. Hilang dalam dunia manusia lain dan bukan dalam dunia sendiri.

Perubahan bermula sekarang.

Friday, July 10, 2009

Cucuk Life

With my new surroundings (okay not so new, but for this blog, yes) I cleaned up a bit for all to see. Or did I actually cluttered it up. Anyway what I guess I'm trying to say is I am settling in.

I changed my blog mainly because of the change I have gone through in my real life. It's okay, I'm not getting sappy. Though that would be life changing wouldn't it? Ha ha ha. One trait that I have which I think will be hard to change is my disinterest in other people's personal life. Now don't get me wrong I would like to know people, it's just that under their willingness and not from other sources. Basically I don't like gossips even with the person themselves.

I don't try and dabble into other people's business as I wouldn't like anyone else to dabble into mine but it's human nature to connect isn't it, even if they have gone beyond people's boundaries. I have had my fair shares of rumors and gossips but it doesn't effect me much. It just annoys me a little especially when it's some type of third-fourth person blab.

Gossip magazines or more professionally called "entertainment" magazines are selling like hot cakes on the shelves of every bookstore in sight. It has now become a slight obsession of a few (or many) to be on the look out for news to spice up their life. Oh, the drama. And I thought it was just for mak cik-mak cik yang tiap-tiap petang tengok teledrama sahaja.Its now becoming a big business poking at other people's business.


Wednesday, July 8, 2009

au revoir et salut

As we finally bid farewell to one of the most influential musician in recent times yesterday, we welcome a new era in music. Just like how the world was in shock of Elvis's death, no one would have thought that another musician could be as influential and as transcending as the King of Pop.

As they marched the casket up to the front of the stage, I thought to myself, will the next big icon come from a different genre? Elvis was undoubtedly the King of Rock and Roll because of what he gave to that genre in particular, and no one in their right mind would say that there would be another King of Pop. With two iconic figures coming from different genre, will we finally see an icon called the King of Jazz or New Wave and so on?

Whoever is next up on the throne one would suggest that they need to have generalize their art form. Bringing their genre into the headlines of music of the time. Unlike generations past however, we find that there are more segments of music genres formed. With new innovation comes with new terms as we see the music world expending accordingly with the personal taste of the world.

Technologies like the internet and satellite radio has meant that the consumer has more excess into the music industry which means that individual taste has been more important than ever. Whoever and however one will become the next music legend the world will surely miss and appreciate the ones that came before them.

Monday, July 6, 2009


One reason why I did not change my blog domain earlier was because every time I would want to post something here in blogger I would freeze up perplexed about what needs to be said. In a way the empty boxes on the create a post menu has always looked, well, empty.

I knew from the start that changing to this particular domain might be hard considering that mental state I was in. It's a wonder how I could have kept up my previous blog for so long. I mean I surely don't get too personal to anything. A thought came to my mind while waking up, how do people cut themselves from their blogs. I mean, how do they don't get too personal.

All those so called "anonymous" writers aren't so anonymous after awhile. I guess because a blog is a personal thing whether or not you want it to be. You will write what is in your mind at that current point of time and all you can reference from is your experiences. Unless your post or comments on people's blogs are edited by other people or even other professional editors, you will not find a way to actually cut loose from what is said.

Even those who just copy paste their post from other sources, which I might add is annoying to say the least, it is garnished with some words by the blogger. It is also because of the author's thought at the time that picked out the particular piece of copy-paste material. A-ny-way it is suffice to say that a blog is personal and that this blog might later on be that way.


Friday, July 3, 2009


So I have changed my blog. Perhaps the once and last time.
With what seems a new fresh ambiance I sit still conflicting on posts.
Heck, I'll start when I wanna. So with this I salute to a new helm.

To those who finds my back stories in my other blog still amusing,nostalgic and down right embarrassing it will still be up. I don't think I will be deleting it for nostalgic purposes. Okay I'm THAT lazy.
Old One

A-ny-way, heres to the future!