Kawan Aku

When reality speaks

2012-01-31T06:52:00.003+08:00

Aku di kedai makan yang dibuka 24 jam sehari bersama rakan seperjuangan. Kedai dipenuhi manusia-manusia berbilang bangsa dan umur. Tetapi seperti biasa mereka berumur dilingkungan awal 20-an mendominasi ruang makan ini.

Meja dan kerusi yang diperbuat daripada aluminum ini membuat aku memikirkan tentang efisyensi untuk membasuh persekitaran. Pekerja kedai makan ini sudah pon mengambil pesanan makananku. Rakanku meminta roti bakar 1set dan teh tarik. Buat masa ini aku tidak begitu pelik kerna aku hidup dengan manusia-manusia yang order seperti ini.

Aku pandang beliau dan berkata "roti je?". Hanya sebagai satu tolakan untuk menghasilkan momentum perbualan kearah yang berlainan kerna beliau bertanya tentang diriku. "A'ah, aku nak diet. Resolution aku tahun ini is to diet," beliau menjawap.

Jawapan diet itu tidak membuatkan aku terkejut, apa yang mengejutkan adalah beliau mempunyai resolusi tahunan. Aku malas mahu bertanya tentang peratusan sukses resolusi tahunan beliau sebelum ini tetapi aku boleh mendapat gambaran. Anggaran aku paling tinggi 70 peratus.

Sambil aku menghabiskan makananku beliau memandangku sambil minum teh tarik. Tiada suara yang dilontarkan ke arahku. Buat seketika dunia senyap. Beliau mengarahkan mata ke kiri dan kanan seperti budak nakal yang ingin membuat sesuatu dan melihat jikalau ada mata memandang.

Beliau mengangkat tangan dan memanggil pekerja kedai itu untuk memesan minuman. "Satu lagi teh tarik." Pekerja itu mengangguk dan berjalan menghala ke dapur. Rakanku kelihatan masih lagi kurang puas dan menjerit "nasi lemak ayam satu bang."

20 peratus.

Glaucous

2012-01-07T04:10:00.003+08:00

I choked during the meeting. Yeah they wanted me in their label but they haven't made any concrete decision on where it was going. The contract was as if nothing happened. The only difference being that I couldn't get out there much. How could it go right? I couldn't get things in my head out for awhile during the meeting. Things just got too complicated too soon.

After the meeting called up Daisy and Mark to tell them everything like I normally do. They gave me space to talk and just nodded to most of the things that was coming out of my mouth. Which wasn't much considering what had happened. Not once was the meeting mentioned. I guess that it was no where near my mind at that moment in time, or ever. After my exhausted my time on the floor, they began to give feedback's. Now their feedback are the stuff of legends. Imagine Simon Cowell during the first few season's of AI, because, well he went all mushy after that.

After digesting everything's that has happened Mark had the terribly brilliant idea to find me a date to the wedding to show off because he had a few friends he could matched me with.I said I wasn't too sure about the idea since there was no one else after her. Plus with the fact that I immerse too much in my work to had any time for anyone else hence the fact I have only two friends still standing. He persistently insisted and I willingly obliged in the end.

I couldn't turn down a sales personnel from the fashion industry now would I? Daisy didn't just back down and also insisted with matching me up with some of her friends who, like Daisy, are also in the photography industry. If at all there was a time for me to "accidentally" shoot myself, now was the time.

Dark Grey

2011-11-19T00:54:00.007+08:00

She started out with "Hey, how are you doing?". How was I to answer that without having a meltdown? I replied with a low volume "Fine, I guess." I haven't heard from her in a few years now. Although I thought I had been prepared for this moment, the realization that it is finally happening is, I imagine, how people feel when they get shot. By a firing squad. She began making small talk asking about my life which I didn't have much to talk about.

"I'm just calling in to talk to you about something" she then continued. I would have had an awesome comeback for these things but at the current state I was in my numb body could only go "em..". "I think you've heard by now that I'm engaged, so I'm calling to invite you to my wedding before word got out on the date and stuff. I thought it'd be appropriate for me to notify you personally before anyone else". At this moment I felt my soul left my body to try find a place to kill itself somehow, because well, that made a whole lot of sense, you know, your lifeless entity separate itself from its being and tries to kill itself. I didn't say a word for what seems like an eternity until I mustered out "oh, okay."

She then gave the details of her big day and finished with "I really hope you'll be there and it would mean so much to me if you could do a performance or something but if you can't then that's fine, I understand." What was I to say. Of course the right thing to do was decline but when your brain isn't working that well the only two syllables that could come out of my mouth was "o-kay". Okay so it was more like two alphabets but you get my point. "So great, hope to see you soon to catch up or something." she said before ending the call.

As I put back my phone into my pocket all the past memories came back to me immediately. The ones I have been trying to suppress for all this couple of years. All the good and bad lump into one long montage like the ones you see at the beginning of any series episodes to get you up to date with the story line so far. I got back into the car, stared at the long road ahead and just drove. I reached at the building where my meeting was held with a guitar in my hand and baggage in my head.

Off white

2011-10-20T22:46:00.004+08:00

It was already 3pm. I was late. I'm always late. I've been contemplating on how unnecessary this meeting actually was but it never occurred to me to do something about it. It was a gloomy day just waiting for the clouds to be heavy enough to pour down with rain.

I was trying to put on my tie while simultaneously trying not to get killed on the road. My 78' Honda Civic still had some juice left in it or so i presume. Halfway there smoke came from the hood of the car. Struggling as I was, I managed to shift my attention to rolling down the windows to signal that I was going to steer to the roadside. It wasn't like there were other cars on the road at the time though. It was mostly just to fan away the smoke that was blinding my sight.

I stopped at the roadside to check what's happening under the hood as if I knew much about cars. The closest I got to ever becoming knowledgeable about the mechanics of the automobile was when I was pretending to be Godzilla going berserk on a generic Japanese town and accidentally broke some of the car toys. Okay so it was a couple of weeks ago, but that's not the point, the point is I had some experience with the insides of a car.

I popped open the hood and the air suddenly was filled with smoke. As I was trying to search for something that might be broken my phone rang. Fearing the worse I had already prepared a speech as to why I'm late. It was basically the plot line to those old national lampoon movies but when I took up the call it was a soft feminine voice that greeted me. This voice is too familiar to me that it took about 5 minutes to finally realize that the smoke stopped emitting out of the car. Hearing her voice was like talking to the ghost of Christmas past except that she wasn't a ghost and not much Christmas-sy.

I sat down at the curb of the road to digest the call I took. I felt like I was having panic attacks or perhaps I was having a minor stroke. My brain went hare wire as it tried to send messages for me to move my mouth and utter out anything close to a "hi".

Almost

2011-10-07T21:53:00.002+08:00

I had two brushes with death in a span of a fortnight.

I stopped and thought to myself "Is this just a freaky incident or is my sub-conscious mind telling me to kill myself".

Look into it and you find nothing

2011-09-28T22:32:00.004+08:00

I've been itching to write something up for the last couple of months or so. Although there were some post up, but it seems out of touch and I still don't think I have it as of currently either, but I guess trying is a step.

So anyway, enough with the sappy stuff and on to other more depressing stuff. Ha ha.

I've loved arts from as long as I could remember (and I do have a good memory when it involves eclectic stuff) but in do time I've connected more and view certain things more differently. This is why people love stuff like music, films, plays, paintings and so on. Although it could be in a specific medium targeting specific audiences, it can always spill to a wider audience. Did any of that make any sense? Ha ha.

I guess I grew up a bit this past year (and people would point me on that, albeit because of physical appearance) and the experiences I have encountered have made certain things open up. Like how different a song sounds when the lyrics can be connected, or how a film is viewed through different experiences. Basically the main point to this whole crap of a post is that art is better viewed through experiences.

I think I've gone melodrama and probably am becoming the manifestation of Hector in one of those Morrissey songs but life comes by the day, and I'm hoping that it will lead me to hear more clearer, to view more brighter, to feel more deeper.

This shit's depressing. Ha ha ha.

Name that Movie 9

2011-09-25T23:55:00.000+08:00

Miss Emily: We didn't have to look into your souls, we had to see if you had souls at all.

Just because it has been ages.

Declassified

2011-08-24T18:24:00.002+08:00

Kepalanya berpetak dengan pixel-pixel yang semakin hari semakin kecil pembentukkannya. Beliau melihat aku dengan matanya yang kosong, tanpa emosi, tanpa pergerakan. Muka stoic nya itu membuatkan aku kurang selesa. Aku melihatnya berdiri tegak. Kesunyian sekeliling membuatkan aku keliru dengan persekitaranku. Secanggih mana pun teknologi yang tercipta manusia masih lagi tidak dapat membina cyborg yang mempunyai emosi tersendiri.

Aku telan air liur ku dalam keadaan terkejut.

Aku sebenarnya sedang melihat cermin.

Hujan lebat memotong kelajuan cahaya

2011-08-04T20:06:00.002+08:00

Opened my ym, dramatically the screen pops up and a new person wanted to add me.

One of whom I've never known before. The name however familiar can't be registered after countless neurons intercepting one another. As fast as any one neuron can go from the cerebrum, past the frontal lobe through the temporal lobe to the parietal lobe and finally onto my muscles, I had managed to reply even faster.

Delete. Ignore user. Heh.

My subconscious can't help ignore the fact that in the box it said "saw you in fb thought id like to get to know you better."

Tak susah bertindak.

Sorrow

2011-07-09T23:09:00.002+08:00

It was a cloudy day. Haze season I presume. I sat by the curb looking down towards the newly relayed tar. This pain inside is not surprising but painful nonetheless. A stranger walked by and saw me sitting there, alone.

He approached me patting my back asking what was wrong. I looked at him only to say "you don't want to hear my sob story friend". He replied, "its okay, I have the time".

So on I went, telling him in perfect painful details. I finished the story on a sour note in what turned out to be half an hours worth. He then began sobbing. Crying his hearts out and nodding to the facts that has been given to him.

So distraught was he that he refused to stay in this country. No more would he like to be apart of something like this. I then patted his back and said "yes, that is how I found out that they wont be serving KFC's double down here in Malaysia".

Transformasi kewangan

2011-07-04T00:07:00.000+08:00

One would be a fool not to realize the impact of east Asian culture on our own pop scene. From the days of japan's take on Asia for Asia to the now booming k-pop infiltration, the culture from the far east has been ever present.

I was listening to bfm the other day (ya, BFM) and they interviewed the managing director or was it the CEO?, of pavilion kl. If you haven't been to pavilion yet I can take you only if you promise to pay for food (will drive for food, ha ha). The top level of pavilion is/ has been refurbished and has a concept on its own that for me doesn't suit with the exclusivity of pavilion kl. They are making a hip Japanese theme area like some street name in japan that's famous for those kind of things (don't ask). Maybe it's appropriate among the other buildings in the golden triangle but I think it doesn't suit well with pavilion although I could be proved wrong as I have not been or seen it yet.

Its a wonder what wave we will see hit us next but I believe with the new focus on Asian related trends it will help us a country in the long run. The need to get the Asian trend going has made our mainstream market looking for things locally produced. This has helped the local industries tremendously in terms of volume. We can now watch Malaysian made movies in the cinema without worrying what others will think, and the attendance of stadium go-ers has increased. Although the increment has not been staggering for some, it is a mild but visible. We can only presume that competition from our own local industry will match that of the imported ones within the next decade. Some more significant than others.

With all the excitement being felt in our own backyard I hope that we will see more innovative ideas coming out especially in terms of intellectual properties. One I am very excited about is underground shopping but that is another long story to talk about especially since its still in its infancy.

I am writing this crap mainly to try and build my interest back in pop writing. Trying to get away from some serious shit for awhile maybe. Hopefully I still have some mojo left in me.

Escalate

2011-06-25T08:02:00.002+08:00

This heart is beating outside it's realm,

on the floor, dirty and weak.

It's pumping ever so slow,

and slowly deteriorating.

A gush of blood squirting all over the walls,

making out a sign of loss.

It stopped for awhile, a short while,

your hoping that it was the end.

But it was not the case,

it never was.

It expanded rapidly,

and exploded into many more bits and pieces.

Suddenly everything turns black,

as you found out that those parts belongs to you.

Murder Scene

2011-06-20T07:08:00.003+08:00

Picking up the splattered flesh on the walls, the floors, the furniture,

cleaning the mess from a blood bath,

the eye out of it's socket, the arms out it's body, the brain out of it's skull.

For sometimes I thought it was intact but it wasn't.

Understanding its reasons but never to be understood.

Maybe this is the only way it can be clear, understood, processed,

through death be my own.

Years worth of therapy

2011-06-07T00:53:00.001+08:00

Every problem is an easy problem to solve in hindsight.

Shit.

3. Fighting through fogs

2011-05-09T06:01:00.000+08:00

Halfway there. Recess. The past couple of subjects flew by as many intend it to. As if we were never there. Recess has always been that time to catch up on unfinished homework. I say catch up when I really mean is copy. Scrambling away trying to scan the answers as much as possible without thinking about why the're the answers in the first place. When there is so little time on the clock, we can't be going into details now can we?

Next thing I knew I was in a midst of war. Bullets flying all over the place. Heads bursting in front of my heads as each bullet penetrates ever so slowly into their hard and dense skull. Screaming out of intimidation but mostly fear. The looks on their eyes saying that they regretted every minute of it. Marching forward they went without any reason. What more did they want from life? They were already there emotionless, cold hearted and senseless. Why back out now? All were hoping to get back to normal. To the life they once knew, but at this particular time they could not think much about that just to move on. Kill or be killed. Successfully invading other people's normality while hiding the fact that they were only there thinking of their own. The flag planted on these foreign ground to call it their soil without thinking of the process they went through to have the ability to put a long metal rod deep in the grounds of foreign land with their colors atop tied with pride.

Kriiing!!!

Bell rang to inform students that the last class has finished and the day was done.

Sialan

2011-05-09T01:40:00.002+08:00

Whoever conducted and claimed that cats have 9 lives must have been one sick bastard.

Name that Movie 8

2011-05-06T03:49:00.001+08:00

John Keating: We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for. To quote from Whitman, "O me! O life!... of the questions of these recurring; of the endless trains of the faithless... of cities filled with the foolish; what good amid these, O me, O life?" Answer. That you are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. That the powerful play *goes on* and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?

Downer

2011-05-04T01:19:00.001+08:00

I sometimes wonder what should have been, what could have been, what would have been?

The problem is that the word sometime is just a lie.

Stop on red

2011-05-02T04:42:00.002+08:00

I've longed to start writing again but something is holding me back.

Its a hard pull down to obscurity while somehow finding ways to make more enemies.

This need to write is blocking my ability to live while itself being blocked by this pull.

The kind of pull that you somehow know you can't get out of.

Somehow it seems more deadlier than a writer's block. Literally.

Riding the Wave

2011-04-27T05:37:00.001+08:00

Whoever said that "if you love someone let them go" must have been a cold hearted bastard.

Hiatus

2011-04-25T15:12:00.002+08:00

To have gone this far, only to be stopped,

is always an angry thing to have faced.

The amount of work put into it, has only liven up the desire to hurt.

To wear this mask and hold this gun,

is to be dead.

But we hope in time this would be in the past,

reminding to build the future.

Solitude

2011-04-20T02:16:00.001+08:00

This is the start of my great depression.

Ladies and gentlemen,

ready your ropes.

We need it tighter this time.

Picking up the pieces

2011-04-02T04:47:00.003+08:00

Maybe it is time to organize the words in my mind to form some proper paragraphs, or at the very least a sentence.

So, there you go.

Damn.

Luckily unlucky

2011-03-16T20:29:00.002+08:00

Theres always that thrill and burst of adrenalin in sports regardless of the end result. In golf, there is much emphasis on the etiquette as the rules of the game. A hole in one is such a rare treat that if any one golfer would have been lucky to do so they would buy drinks for the whole clubhouse that day. It was basically the etiquette and tradition of celebration for that one event where skill is just 10% of your effort while the other 90% is based on pure luck.

Most of us dream of such an event while there are some, surprisingly, doesn't want any part of it.

We stopped playing for awhile because of heavy rain and thunder but when we started back play my dad had been on fire. The second hole after the restart was a 167m long par 3. His ball flew straight at the flag and as the ball was landing all our hearts skipped a beat. The ball in the end landed just 2 inches from the hole. That was the closest any of us ever got to a legitimate hole in one.

As we drove our carts heading towards the hole there was 2 possible angle he could have looked at it:

The first angle (competitive sportsmen):

It was just 2 inches from the hole. He would have made history. The one thing that most golfers wanted to do, he was 2 inches away. It would be devastating to be so near yet so far.

The second angle:

Luck was on his side after all since he would have had to buy everybody at the clubhouse drinks.

I don't think I have to elaborate on which angle my dad took.

Karma

2011-03-11T01:30:00.001+08:00

If your not prepared to get what you gave, then don't even think about it.

Fuck.

Stares

2011-03-07T12:48:00.004+08:00

The place was mainly silence except for the clicking of keyboards. The place itself prohibited the use of mobile phone. One rang and an old-ish woman picked it up and talked slowly. A bank teller asked her to step outside when making a call. Normal. A lot of phones rang that day. Be it mobile or stationary. Normal.

Than a ringtone broke the mild silence. "Oh oh oh oh oh" the sound came out of her phone. Even before another ooh could have come up, the lady picked up the phone covering her face with her hands as if she could be invisible at that time. Everybody looked at her.

She was red in embarrassment. She couldn't think straight as she mumbled slowly talking on the phone. She wanted to dig up her grave at that moment in time. It seemed like thousand of eyes were watching her. Any other day she wouldn't have gotten these looks even if she picked up her phone in a bank.

But today was different. It was the day that she realized she had to change her Justin Beiber ring tone.

Why?

2011-03-01T02:52:00.003+08:00

I dreamed that someday, at least for a few hours,

I get to know the answers to my questions.

The universe has its limitations. Mysterious to some, fucking complicated to others.

Hole

2011-02-27T01:38:00.002+08:00

I searched for any type of answer that could finish off this test.

I never really liked cheating, in anything for that matter,

and I'm not going to start now.

So I've failed a couple of times before,

at least I knew that my effort was unconditionally mine,

and not anybody else's.

But now I'm troubled at being dealt this card,

I want to peak at other answers,

but I know the answer is when the question is read.

I'm now beginning to believe that I'm depressed.

2. First Bell

2011-02-18T02:11:00.000+08:00

Breakfast of champions they say. At least its by their humbling opinion. Heh. I looked at the carton of milk ready to pour on top of the cereal in my bowl when my mom stopped me and asked me to look at the expiration date. It was two months past I said. She said to throw it out. I did, not before emptying it though. Spicy.

Mark was understandably late. He knocked on the front door yelling out loud just so the whole world could hear. You know, in case I was dead or kidnapped or something. That's just how a good friend he is. I took my bike out and we rode to school. We actually didn't need the bikes as the school was just 10 minutes walk away, but you never know when you feel like ditching it.

As expected, we arrived just before the assembly finished as all of those who was at the assembly watched us riding our bikes towards the parking bay in silence. We were invisible we thought. Off to detention we went before the first class. As if the school don't demotivate us enough with the way their teaching in class. The school bell rang, first class of the day.

The teacher came in without even spilling out a sound she wrote on the chalkboard the day's homework. It's not as if she even put an effort into giving the homework. She just doodled numbers on the board indicating the page numbers of the exercises in our books. She stood in front of us trying to teach us something but most of the time she just read out loud. Teachers make a habit of reading out loud with the most soothest of voices. I guess thats why half of the class are fast asleep throughout the reading.

As was I.

Headlines

2011-02-17T05:50:00.001+08:00

If I told you everything you'd kill yourself,

If I told you something I'd kill myself,

If I told you nothing we'd kill the story.

Iceberg

2011-02-16T02:12:00.003+08:00

Everything seems stable for now,

but deep down theres still doubt,

confusion, over analysis.

The rights to make things clear still hangs in the balance.

History

2011-02-14T19:00:00.000+08:00

I've had my fair share of battle wounds,

some won, and some loss.

But now I don't know if I'm ready to loose this war.

I've got nothing to say, tonight.

Even if it means the sanity of my future.

Midnight Scare

2011-02-13T06:25:00.006+08:00

In this dark place I sat mentally drained,

emotionally demolished,

physically tired.

And yet when I've tried to die,

I just wander back into that hole,

repeating it again and again.

Floating through limbo,

with nothing but anger, frustration, disbelief,

I cry in silence.

Who are you?

I just need the truth,

Who are you?

Power to the people

2011-02-08T14:38:00.001+08:00

We are a nation that is one paycheck away from murder.

When you know you don't want it to start

2011-01-31T21:07:00.004+08:00

Beliau memandang kepadaku dan berkata, "oh yeah, I've heard about you before. You seemed like a phat guy."

"What was that?" aku bertanya kepadanya dalam keadaan keliru.

"Don't get me wrong, phat spelled with a p-h." beliau menjelaskan.

"I heard you right, its just that I'm doubting your vocabulary right now." aku menjawap.

Kami tidak berkata apa-apa kepada masing-masing selepas itu.

Two sides of the pitch

2011-01-30T23:02:00.001+08:00

"All that I know most surely about morality and obligations, I owe to football."

- Albert Camus (Philosopher) -

100m Dash

2011-01-24T00:45:00.003+08:00

Bunyi tembakan pistol menandakan permulaan,

setiap mereka berlari mencengkam tanah sepantas mungkin,

termasuk aku.

Sorakan sekeliling menambahkan semangat untuk berlari,

lebih pantas, lebih laju, goyangan kaki melampaui hukum fizik.

Lama-kelamaan semuanya semakin pudar,

sorakan sekeliling, cahaya terpancar dari tubuh badan mereka yang lain,

dan juga persekitaran sekeliling.

Aku menahan kakiku dari melangkah kehadapan,

dan berhenti.

Aku berhenti bukan kerna ingin mengalah,

aku berhenti untuk kewarasan.

1. Where breakfast are made.

2011-01-19T00:12:00.000+08:00

*Thud*

I hit my head on the floor as I now realize that it was a somewhat beautiful nightmare. I looked at the clock, it was 5 a.m. I was pissed at the sight of a very early morning. Well, any sight of morning to be precise. I wash my eyes with cold water to somehow force myself to fully regain consciousness. I sat on my bed trying to analyze the dream I just had in a Freudian kind of way. Or at least that's what I told myself. It may have been a more paranoid look into my dream than actually analyzing anything.

I look out the window, and its still dark outside. It's somehow refreshing to see that it's still dark even though this is going to mess with my biological daily timing. I went out with only a t-shirt and boxer and stood outside the house looking up at the sky as the moon and the sun changes it's shifts. A glorious sight if only there were punch cards involved. Light passing through the sky, peeking its workplace.

As the sky turned bright I look away and saw that a couple of houses away there stood a girl for whom I knew too well. It was Daisy standing slowly looking away from the sky. She slowly looked my way and our eyes met with great awkwardness. She looked up for a second and looked back at me as if to say she too was enjoying the sunrise. She then slowly picked up her hand as if to wave then turned it into the middle finger.

Ah yes, the day has arrived.

Part End

2011-01-18T04:01:00.006+08:00

As I was trying to continue "working" on the short story I'm writing I finished up the draft of my list of songs from the previous story. Life as we know it, is a musical. So heres my list of songs that I was either listening to or thinking while writing. The story part by part is re-linked:

Part 1

1. Mew - Repeaterbeater

2. Queens of the Stone Age - Auto Pilot

3. The Beatles - Got To Get You Into My Life

Part 2

1. Almond Hammond Jr. - Borrowed Time

2. The Beatles - A Hard Day's Night

3. Radiohead - We Suck Young Blood

Part 3

1. Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Runaway

2. The Beta Band - Needles in My Eyes

3. Vampire Weekend - The Kids Don't Stand A Chance

Part 4

1. Rachael Yamagata - Worn Me Down

2. Florence and the Machines - Dog Days Are Over

3. Jimi hendrix - Spanish Castle Magic

Part 5

1. The Cribs - Shoot the Poets

2. Plastiscines - Camera

3. Jimi hendrix - Purple Haze

Part 6

1. Carla Bruni - I Went To Heaven

2. The Smiths - Last Night I Deamt That Somebody Loved Me

3. Mumford And Sons - Awake My Soul

Enjoy life while listening to music. If you guys want to hear the songs, again, youtube. Or hop on my ride when I'm hearing 'em. Ha ha ha. If theres any other suggestion of songs feel free to drop a comment.

0. Running out of my mind

2011-01-12T00:47:00.000+08:00

I seemed to have gotten lost in the woods. I was sweating profusely from all the running. Of course I was running, when there's an eight foot giant bear who seemed like it wants to have me for sashimi. I know it'd be better to have salmon for sashimi and me as a slightly under cooked teppanyaki but under these circumstances he'd pretty much get bored waiting for me to cook.

I tried to call for help but to no avail, so I climbed a tree to get a better view of any available survival spots. It was a bad idea. The bear started pounding its whole body against the tree to have me fall down from it. This bear had to work hard for its food today. Kinda like those buffet tables during breaking of fast in those overly priced hotels. I guess he needed some exercise before a meal. There he was pounding the tree as I hold on for my measly life. I shouted all I could but no one was responding. I felt as every thump of its pounding made more and more branches fall. I knew I didn't have much more time. If only people around me knew how I felt about them. If only I had been able to say goodbye before I came into such predicament. Somehow though predicament isn't a big enough word to express such a situation.

This was it. My final minutes of life. I had only one branch left between me and death. One branch that if broken meant I would be more dead than Elvis or Michael Jackson combined. One branch that eventually broke. I was plummeting to my death with the bear ready down below to finish off any sense of life left in me but my neck broke on impact and died immediately resulting in a corpse lunch for the bear. *shrugs*

Hampeh

2010-12-31T00:58:00.001+08:00

Its just that way.

We just don't want any pizza.

Geez..

Funny Ha ha

2010-12-21T00:26:00.003+08:00

Pergaulan antara rakan2 kian lama menimbulkan situasi2 janggal. Walaupun sudah lama berkenalan. Tetapi kejanggalan itu yang membuat mereka rapat. Kadang2.

Lagu2 kings of convenience kedengaran didalam kereta pinjam.

Makhluk A: Antikk gak lagu ko pasang dlm kete.

Aku: Ok a ni..skang pn dh mlm nk blk.

Sunyi.

Baru terlintas dalam otak aku yang perkara ini lebih kelakar di dalam fikiran aku.

?

2010-12-18T14:32:00.001+08:00

People ask stupid questions to get attention sometimes (or most).

Direction

2010-12-17T02:41:00.002+08:00

I think I need a long post. Yes, need. Its been hard to focus on something specific when the world around you is chaotic. People say they write when their depress or have issues. I say fuck it. People are over analyzing situations that is more black and white than MJ ever was. Perhaps its like a high somehow. A kick if you may.

I just want it to be simplistic.

A long post.

Heh.

Exclamation mark!

2010-12-16T05:05:00.002+08:00

Ecstatic. Even with some sore throats, loss of hearing and fatigue that even a triathlon runner would go "thats some shit", its another step from the previous platform of positives. I'm hoping for a run to catch on.

!

2010-12-14T06:18:00.000+08:00

Ekstatik. Harap ia akan menjadi satu landasan untuk membina masa depan.

Kalau burung terbang terbalik

2010-12-11T04:04:00.003+08:00

At the end of it all, everybody will only be asking did I get there? or have I gotten there yet.

But there's always that someone, something that will ask the question of how I got there.

If you ever thought that relevancy or lack thereof is the ultimate gauge, I'm sorry.

For you have missed life.

Misteri

2010-12-07T14:21:00.001+08:00

Aku tahu yang dia tahu. Dia tahu yang aku tahu.

Aku tahu yang dia tahu aku tahu. Dia tahu yang aku tahu dia tahu.

Tapi takpe, dunia tak tahu.

.

2010-11-29T21:53:00.003+08:00

Aku bukan nak cerita panjang.

Name that Movie 7

2010-11-22T00:14:00.002+08:00

Sam: You've grown.

Lucy: Have I?

Sam: Yeah, 'cause your ears are bigger and your eyes are older.

Sometimes, it just needs a line of the obvious to propel fantasy.

Risiko

2010-11-07T16:54:00.002+08:00

When there's high risks,
the devil comes out to play.

The sound

2010-11-04T00:59:00.002+08:00

The realization of silence is slowly creeping in.

Perhaps this is a test of endurance.

Bad Pitch-ing

2010-11-01T01:23:00.002+08:00

As I have mentioned probably dozens of times before, the type of reading I delve into are more often than not concerning pop culture in any form. It is hard to believe that after a lot of years having problems and slight phobia's on reading, I manage to find something that suits my attention span.

This is not an historical look at my personal past. This is more of a continuation of previous post.

After reading about music specifically, I have learn (through experiences as well) that most people see artist and their arts as two separate things. It is not any wonder that the world we see today are run by famous faces. The rapid growth of technology has made Andy Warhol's view of 15 fame look like quotes from ancient times.

Faces are now more recognizable than the art their trying to give to the world. People now judge someone's art by the artist. Should I be giving any examples? Nah. Its now blatantly obvious I think. It's not long ago that the world view artist in retrospect. Their personal lives usually have little barrings on how the art that they produce is viewed by the world.

Don't judge a book by its covers they say? Well maybe that ol' saying doesn't ring true anymore, well, not in the case of pop culture that is.

Hearing aid

2010-10-27T23:47:00.002+08:00

Manusia mahu dengar apa yang mereka mahu dengar. Baik perkara itu baik mahupun yang buruk.

Aku sebenarnya ada idea ingin menulis tentang art dan artis. Tapi harini gua xnk layan bende tu.

Tendangan padu

2010-10-21T23:55:00.002+08:00

Bola itu ditendang dengan sekuat yang boleh oleh pemain di bahagian pertahanan pasukan itu. Ia ditendang agar mereka di hadapan dapat menyambung momentum bola itu kearah gawang gol.

Sebelum ini mungkin bola itu hanya akan ditendang oleh beberapa orang sebelum sampai ke kawasan terakhir sebelum kotak penalti. Itu hanya cara mereka bermain. Tapi kali ini lain, kali ini mereka ingin terus ke hadapan untuk pemain teratas mereka menyumbatkan gol.

Bola yang ditendang itu melalui semua pemain dan terus keluar padang. Itu perkara biasa. Mereka bermain bola. Cuma bezanya kali ini bola itu keluar kerna tiada pemain dihadapan.

Bola itu bukan sahaja tentang fizik dan fizikal.
Sekarang ia lebih dari itu.

Emerse Yourself

2010-10-14T01:07:00.000+08:00

Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.

-Scott Adams-

Multiply

2010-10-03T11:45:00.002+08:00

Aku harap akan datang aku akan diklonkan dalam kuantiti yang banyak.
Ini bukan kerna mahukan produktiviti ataupun efisyensi.
Ia kerna perasaan malas melayan karenah manusia semata-mata.
Tiada orang mahu layan gua maka gua layan sendiri.

Ci-bai.

Passion

2010-09-28T00:57:00.001+08:00

Throw your heart out in front of you, and run ahead and catch it

If only.

Material

2010-09-21T00:56:00.002+08:00

Aku dan fad masakini tak "click".

Go figure.

Silap Orang

2010-09-08T12:17:00.003+08:00

Aku melihat arah seorang perempuan tanpa melihat perempuan tersebut. Aku lebih sebok dalam perbualan dengan freud aku menganalisa perbuatan masa lampau aku.

Tanpa aku sedari perempuan tersebut juga memandang ke arah aku.

"What?" beliau bertanya kearah aku.

Perbualan berbahasa melayu aku dengan si freud (ya, beliau hebat menggunakan bahasa), yang dalam imaginasi aku menyerupai pak cik dalam iklan televisyen yang kene di ban dan di tarik balik tempoh hari, terus hilang bagaikan si jutawan baru-baru ini.

Aku sedikit janggal menyaksikan perempuan yang aku tidak kenali itu datang mendekati aku lalu mengatakan "what is it?".

Aku dengan tidak berfikir panjang terus menjawap "Errr, I thought you were someone I knew".

Beliau kelihatan ingin berkata sesuatu tetapi dengan sepantas kilat perkataan-perkataan sudah pon keluar dari mulut aku yang membentukan satu ayat "But she's way prettier".

Beliau mula menghembus nafas lebih mendalam dan sebelum beliau mengeluarkan sebarang bunyi, aku sudah pon tiada di depan mata beliau.

Lies are what we want the truth to be.

Ha ha.

Kring....

2010-09-07T15:07:00.003+08:00

Sedang aku asyik membaca laporan2 syarikat tertentu telefon bimbit aku berbunyi. Ade orang call. Aku lihat caller ID yang tertera di skrin telefon aku menunjukkan nombor telefon dari kawasan KL. Aku gelisah memikirkan suara bos aku meminta laporan yang aku patut hantar dua hari lagi.

Aku mengambil panggilan. Rupa-rupanya ade minah dari sebuah pihak televisyen berbayar di hujung talian.

"Ini pasti tentang saman yang kami dikenakan atas sebab tidak bayar satu ketika dahulu" aku berfikir dalam hati. (Ya, kami diberi surat saman dari pihak mereka atas sebab paling bodoh)

Tetapi tidak tepat. Beliau menelefon aku atas sebab ingin mempromosikan sesuatu.

"Ini en. Zulhilmi bin Mohamad?" tanya beliau.
"Hmm.." aku hanya mengeluarkan hembusan tanda ya.
"En. ada astro beyond?" beliau bertanya lagi.
"Tak" pantas aku menjawap.
"Kami disini menyediakan tawaran bla bla bla bla bla" beliau membebel untuk beberapa minit panjangnya.

Selepas panjang beliau mempromosikan produk mereka, perbualan bertukar sunyi. Tiada siapa pon bertutur dalam masa lebih kurang 30 saat dalam realitinya tapi sudah pasti bagaikan berabad lamanya kalau aku cerita.

Kemudian beliau memecahkan kesunyian dengan bertanya "En. tak berminat eh?"

Sunyi sebentar.

"Exactly." akhirnya aku berkata.

Beliau mengucapkan terima kasih dan lantas meletakkan telefon.

Silence is easy, it just becomes me

Perlu ramai lagi telemarkerter sebegini aku berfikir melupakan tugas membuat laporan aku.

Point X

2010-09-06T16:33:00.001+08:00

Kalau superman pakai wheelchair.
Manusia ber-evolusi.

Kita dah sampai mana dah ni?

Polusi pendengaran

2010-09-02T16:42:00.007+08:00

Sekitar akhir 90an awal milenium.

Aku teruja. Ya lah, buat kali pertamanya aku dapat menyaksikan perlumbaan F1 secara langsung. Tak pernah lagi merasakan gegaran dunia perlumbaan secara 'live'. Sebelum ni hanya saksikan highlights2 di skrin televisyen sahaja. Dulu siri F1 ni tak diambil perhatian sangat, maka aku hanya dapat melihat 'snippet'2 si jordan hill kat tv. (ironiknya, aku tak suka pon jordan hill).

Aku pergi dengan bapak aku. Tiket percuma, sapa tak pegi ye dak? Seat2 kami berasingan. Beliau di box sebelah starting line, aku dekat straight line sebelum u-turn tower tu. Aku tak rasa kekok sebelum perlumbaan bermula sebab rata2 peminat yang lain juga menyaksikan perlumbaan ini dengan memakai baju cap thai mereka. Tak se'elit' yang aku bayangkan.

Race pon bermula. Seat2 mula menggegar. Literally. Macam gempa bumi berskala kecil. Pabila kereta2 selaju jet lalu didepan mata aku, aku tak perasan pon. Bunyi yang kuat membuatkan aku menutup mata buat seketika. Aku cuba cari jalan lain. Aku membuat konklusi yang aku patot cari cara untuk tutup telinga aku bagi mengurangkan tahap polusi pendengaran ni. Maka aku ke tandas untuk mencari 'ilham'. Kat tandas tu surprisingly tak sekuat diluar. Aku tak tau kenapa. Mungkin bunyi yang kuat boleh menganggu seseorang itu untuk melakukan nombor dua. Mungkin.

Aku dapat idea untuk menyumbat telinga aku dengan tisu. Aku pon ambil tisu yang banyak dan celupkan sedikit air supaya tisu2 yang disumbat itu padat dan menutupi telinga aku secara menyeluruh. Aku keluar dari tandas untuk sambung menyaksikan perlumbaan. Eksperimen aku berjaya dan aku dapat menyaksikan perlumbaan tersebut tanpa ganguan mental akibat bunyi yang kuat. Aku lakukan ini semata-mata untuk saksikan perlumbaan yang aku telah nanti-nantikan semenjak aku tahu tentang F1 walaupun tisu yang tejolor keluar bukan satu 'fashion statement' yang menarik. Menarik perhatian, mungkin. Tapi bukan menarik.

Selepas race, aku pergi jumpa bapak aku diluar litar untuk balik. Kami berborak tentang pengalaman menyaksikan perlumbaan bertaraf antarabangsa itu. Pada masa kami di dalam kereta, beliau mengambil sesuatu dalam poketnya lalu memberikan kepada aku.

"Nah, amik ni," kata bapak aku.
"Tadi abah duduk dalam box tak dengar sangat. Box tu sound proof. Tapi dia bagi jugak ear plug ni" tambah bapak aku.

'Sial' aku berkata dalam hatiku.

"Nak pergi makan dulu ke? Abah dah kenyang. Tadi dalam box dia bagi makan skali. Buffet." bapak aku tanya.

'Lagi sial' aku berkata dalam hati.

Looking back

2010-09-01T14:34:00.003+08:00

As with the previous post, it is never surprising to find more memories of sporting events lodged in my head as I embark on a sense of time travel through memories. One thing about time travel is that we want it purely because of the knowledge we gain from the experiences after the preferred time.

We want to travel back in time because of the fact that we know what would happen next. But what if when you travel back in time your in the same state of mind, soul and physically the way you were at that particular time. To me time travel is like a videotape you want to rewind. When you rewind back a story, the character never knows what will happen next. It is like their memories of the time after it was erased. This is why people always fantasized time traveling with limitations or certain regulations.

One would say "I would want to go back so and so if I had my current knowledge or physical attribute or whatever attribute that you would have at the present time." The other "flaw" of time traveling would be location. Since the earth is on an axis tilted in a way, one would not be in the same position in the past as they were in the present. Heck they could even be miles above or below ground. This is just minor details compared to more complex stuff such as stability of human atoms or the earth's aging process.

So enjoy life. Let the past be an education for the present to guide the future.

Sesi merepek hari ini habis di sini sahaja.
Sekian terima kasih.

Football saved my life

2010-08-27T15:20:00.004+08:00

Aku, seperti mana ramai yang tahu, tidak begitu mahir dalam bidang akademik. Malah, subjek "power" (english kononya) aku masa di sekolah dahulu tidak setanding mereka yang lain di dalam kelas aku. Untuk cuba elakkan dari tertinggal jauh di dalam bidang akademik aku menumpukan separuh perhatian aku kepada sukan. Apa kene mengena dengan masalah akademik aku tadi? Aku tak tau. Tapi pasti itu sudah kamu tahu, bukan?

Aku dari kecil memang aktif di luar rumah, berlari-lari sakan di mana-mana ruang yang ada untuk menghabiskan tenaga aku. Dengan pengaruh rakan-rakan dan juga famili, aku mula meminati sukan bola sepak. Tetapi minat aku dengan bola sepak bukan sekadar minat aku terhadap bola dan pergerakan kaki, ia (aku rasa) lebih dari itu. Inilah sukan yang telah membuat aku rasa buat pertama kalinya kepedihan didalam kekalahan dan juga kepedihan apabila tangan patah. Ha ha.

I fell in love with football as I would later fall in love with women: suddenly, uncritically, giving no thought to the pain it would bring.
-Nick Hornby-

Bola ini secara ringkasnya mengajar aku tentang kehidupan.

Bola bagi aku, suatu sukan yang boleh di mainkan di mana sahaja dan dengan sesiapa pun. Tidak kira kelas, posisi, warna, dan agama seseorang itu. Di sinilah aku belajar tentang pemisahan kelas. Sukan bola sepak ini bukan seperti sukan berkuda yang hanya untuk mereka yang punyai status elit sahaja. Aku mengenali pelbagai rupa manusia tidak kira status mereka. Di sini mungkin juga di mana aku berminat mengetahui tentang sejarah pemisahan kelas, politik dan seantara dengannya. Bola membuat engkau bergantung pada orang lain dan mereka juga bergantung kepada engkau. Dalam kata lain, kerjasama.

I am a member of a team, and I rely on the team, I defer to it and sacrifice for it, because the team, not the individual, is the ultimate champion.
-Mia Hamm-

Apabila aku mencuba game football management yang di berikan kepadaku oleh saudaraku, aku mula memahami akan penjagaan kewangan dan pengurusan sebuah entiti. Ya, pada esensinya, aku belajar bisnes yang kini sedang aku cuba pahami lebih mendalam. Sedikit ironis. Di sini juga aku pelajari komunikasi dan interaksi diantara manusia (lagi-lagi dengan karekter aku yang kurang ingin bersosial ini). Minat aku dalam sukan bola sepak ini juga dimana aku pelajari geografi secara am dan lebih penting budaya-budaya yang terdapat di dunia. Juga kultus-kultus tempat-tempat tertentu. Ha ha.

In football everything is complicated by the presence of the opposite team.
-Jean Paul Sartre-

Aku cuba, sehingga kini, mengaitkan bola sepak itu dengan pelajaran aku. Sejak dari sekolah rendah sehingga kini. Jadi, adakah ia keterlaluan jika aku berkata bolasepak hero hidup aku?

Pressure cooker

2010-08-26T16:25:00.005+08:00

I often come to school excited but not about school. More often than not, the memories I have of school is when I'm not learning in class. Does this make me odd? Perhaps. But I do believe this is relatively a normal occurrence among students especially students here in our country.

Why? My theory is that it is because of the over bearing responsibility we have to score on our exams. The reason why I eventually chose to stick to the science stream in my school was because it has the highest probability among the streams of a high grades. More emphasis is put on the science stream to score and with that in mind, most of the top students and teachers are put into the science stream classes even if in a holistic look at a person it may not be the most suited of streams.

The other reason is because of the environment. Yes we do have a lot of time when the noise level in class is akin to that at the race tracks but it still is in a normal mode when considering at the daily average. Most other classes are somehow bound to have "trouble". And you think that the unity problem in our country is all about race. We are stereotyped at a young age and brought to paths that are "ideally" the best for us. Perhaps it is, eventually. Perhaps I will scuff at the fact that I thought otherwise. But even if so, aren't we the ones who are experiencing it?

"Do you know the difference between education and experience? Education is when you read the fine print; experience is what you get when you don't.”
-Pete Seeger (folk signer) -

The most I remember throughout my schooling especially at the senior level was the experiences I had when I was out of school during school hours. I would meet different people with different backgrounds at different places. From representing my school in sports as well as educational activities, to the outdoor visits we had, I knew more about the beauty of the world's interaction than I could have had in the classroom looking at the blackboard. Of course the time spent inside the classroom was equally important to me in terms of growth as a human being but too much of something is not any different from too much of nothing.

The cliche answer of peer pressure? Well I think its just a sub and insignificant part if it was not for the core problem of limited freedom. Teen angst? Perhaps. This is why somehow, I think, sports changed my life. How sports, specifically football, changed my life? That's for another day.

Tauhu tak habis

2010-08-23T16:40:00.005+08:00

Conversations between me and strangers are never smooth or even interactive. I have awkward conversations with people I know, let alone the ones I don't. But on that day, it became more than just awkward. It went into somewhere not many people have seen before. Most people go into this zone in dire need.

That day I went into the personal zone with strangers.

"How old do you think I am?," tanya si kakak menjual rojak secara tiba-tiba sambil memotong bahan-bahan dengan pisau yang kelihatan terlampau tajam untuk hanya memotong tauhu.

"I don't know. Mid 30's?," aku menjawap tanpa memikir apa yang telah dituturkan. Aku terlalu khusyuk melihat pulut panggang yang sedang di buat oleh makcik tua stall sebelah ini.

"What?" si kakak itu bertanya seakan-akan tidak mendengar jawapan yang aku berikan.

"Mid 30's" aku sebut balik hanya atas sebab aku berfikir dia tidak dapat mendengar jawapan aku dalam pasar yang kecoh ini.

"I mean I've seen people in their 50's looking more youthful than you" aku cuba jelaskan sebab aku memilih jawapan itu.

"What?!" tanya kakak itu yang sudah berhenti memotong buat seketika.

Aku melihat mukanya bertambah garang, lalu aku cuba mengelakkan daripada perkara itu masuk ke zon deep shit dan terus berkata "Err... I mean...I like your hair?"

Aku ambil makanan aku dan membayar pada kelajuan cahaya dan beredar dari situ.

Apabila kembalinya dirumah aku dapati rojak aku seperti kurang bahan dari dulu.

"Mungkin sebab ekonomi global teruk" kata aku dalam hati.

Part 6: Caught in between

2010-08-20T16:51:00.002+08:00

I tried to focus on what majestic beauty I just saw but my neurons heading towards my brain had a doughnut break because of the traffic. I scrubbed my eyes for awhile to try and stabilize any sense of gravity inside my head. When I finally managed to meet the horizontal line with the vertical I realized she was gone.

I was confused. Distraught. I searched around to see if I could find her. Or so I thought. I was actually just spinning my body at a 360 degree angle, the angle in which a multisource assessment is achieved. Hence my logic to have spun. Maybe it wasn't my day, I thought to myself or perhaps it was because of all those feel good complications I had before. Whatever it was I tried to let it go.

Snap! Flash! I was caught by Elm a few meters away from my dazed self. Elm a 6 foot 5 tall cat-loving man from a Swedish background was surprised that I didn't try to run. With striking blond hair, it should have even been caught by people who died in the titanic hundreds of feet under the sea. But not me. Not that day. I was still fixed on the girl I barely remember. Who barely smiled. Who barely said a word.

After everybody was caught, we headed to get something to eat. After running like a bunch of little children after eating all those Halloween candy, we perhaps lost as much as half our body weight in less than a day's time. Then again, perhaps that was the mushroom side effect talking. As we were eating our not so fresh manufactured pizza we bought at your not so local pizza place, I still couldn't get her out of my mind.

With ash brown hair flowing smoothly up to her shoulders and perfectly proportioned eyes and lips, her gentle smile made the world stop for awhile. I think. It was perhaps a faulty memory plagued by a sense of fantasy. I couldn't actually remember her exact features as I was dazed. Or if she wasn't actually a he. But for that brief second, the world, my world, stopped to enjoy beauty.

Past

2010-08-19T15:22:00.003+08:00

Ramai yang mengatakan hari-hari "kemeriahan" kini tidak semeriah dahulu.

Aku?

Sama macam dulu. Bagi aku itu lebih kepada mentaliti dari perkara fizikal. Tapi itu cerita kedai mamak.

Aku hanya ingin mengimbas kembali bulan puasa dahulu kala.

Alhamdulillah aku telah berpeluang berpuasa di luar negara. Di 2 negara asing. Tapi, seperti pengalaman-pengalaman yang lain, aku hanya menggunakan memori selektif. Seperti mana aku perlu bersahur di tengah malam akibat imsak pada 3 pagi atau berbuka pada 9 malam pada musim panas. Ini semuanya memori selektif.

Tapi ketika kecil dahulu, hari jadi aku banyak jatuh pada bulan yang mulia ini (ini mungkin sebab mengapa hari jadi aku tidak memberikan signifikasi yang lebih mendalam setiap tahun). Di Amerika misalnya, aku perlu bersahur pada tengah malam sebab imsak awal. Apabila di sekolah, aku hanya duduk diam di dalam kantin ketika rehat (salah satu perkara yang aku suka tentang Amerika, mereka mewajibkan berehat dikantin, dan kemudiannya memberi rehat yang sama panjang untuk berehat diluar.) Seperti kanak2 kecil dahulu, aku banyak meluangkan masa lapang aku di luar rumah. Bermain di padang, misalnya. Bulan puasa pun tidak berubah, aku tetap berlari-larian di dalam hutan seberang rumah aku dahulu. Bila balik ke rumah sudah pasti penat, dan rasa seksa tunggu buka pada 9 malam. Tapi aku sekarang lihat itu sebagai pengalaman.

Ketika aku berpuasa di tanah suci, kami sekeluarga membuka puasa di masjid. Mereka membentangkan kain putih dan menyediakan kurma, roti dan yogurt untuk kami berbuka. Selepas pulang dari sembahyang baru kami makan "berat".

Dan di sini pula, ia lebih bermakna kerana manusia-manusia disekeliling dunia aku. Ketika masih di bangku sekolah, kami pasti bermain bola di petang hari sebelum balik berbuka. Sehingga hari ini teknik dan cara bermain aku banyak diambil dari pengalaman bermain di dalam gelanggang tenis taman aku (the academy we called it). Malam pula lagi meriah, tapi itu cerita lain.

Sekarang, pada tika ini, banyak yang berubah dari fizikalnya, tapi signifikasinya masih sama. Tidak pernah lagi terlintas bahawa bulan puasa dan raya baru-baru ini tidak meriah. Mungkin aku naif. Mungkin aku tak dapat lihat. Atau mungkin aku terlampau selektif dalam memori.
Macam mana pun, kehidupan ini banyak blindspot. Kamu pilih blindspot yang betol?

Waste

2010-08-18T17:06:00.005+08:00

Since I've got loads of work to do, I thought it would be an appropriate time to actually put a post up for the heck of it. The one thing I know how to do perfectly (I think) is to annoy people. Its like an art to me personally. Heck, I annoy myself most of the time.

To me there is certain degrees of how to annoy a person because of different personalities. Different people get annoyed by different things and I seemed to have mastered what those different things are whether it was consciously made or by accident.

There's also different levels of annoying. From the first slightly mild level of annoying that makes for some awkward giggles to the mother load of doucheyness, asshole. Then there is the angle of which the "attack" is made. Be it verbally, physically, subconsciously and other known specimen of movement.

At the end of the day having annoyed somebody deserves some kind of reward. Usually its in an edible form. Or drinkable. Sometimes its just the mere pleasure of knowing it happened with a cup of tea.

So,

care for a drink?

Kereta Laju

2010-08-13T12:59:00.003+08:00

Watching hundreds of cars passing by,
I just stand still here,
at this spot,
this lane,
this way,
as cars pass by speedily,
awaiting the bus.
Knowing the inevitability that,
I will be in one of these cars.

First Step

2010-08-11T16:38:00.002+08:00

Working productivity is not the priority of the day as we embarked on the holy month of Ramadan. The main priority I guess is self productivity in a holistic sense. Not to get too preachy so I'll just make this virtual toast, here's hoping for a good and wonderful time during the month of fasting.

There have been a lot of things I intended to write but now is not the time. A month++ to go. Come on!

Pandangan Pengalaman

2010-07-22T16:03:00.001+08:00

I have lived in a semi-urban environment almost all my life. In touch with both the urban mindset and those rural areas?. So how has this affected my life in general? Well I think this has impacted to my ordinarism1 (if there was such a word). I have always thought of myself as the quintessential average person. I know not much of anything and not little of anything either which makes me generally average in terms of knowledge.

Where this then diverge is in my personality. I don't have an average personality in a general context. It has come to my attention that at an early age I saw things differently than most people because I take knowledge that's mainly general but on a different angle. In other words, a bulk of general information that is distributed evenly amongst us and I pick a different segment (an normally the most unpopular one at that!) than anyone else.

At school, most people in my class was there because 1. they were sent there by the school (or picked, whichever you see fit) and 2. they had a good idea of the science stream. I didn't have both except that's slightly untrue for the first one because I was sent to a science stream but doubtfully picked. Ha ha. I had a liking towards more factual medium such as history but I wasn't fully aware of it back then since I was trying to catch up on the "core" science subjects namely chemistry and add maths.

As I jab at making sense of everything I find that this piece of information is not particularly parallel with my big question of is passion for something give that much leverage in one's knowledge? Of course the general answer would be yes, but in a detailed look at things does this apply to everything else you have knowledge of especially those that are sprung from experiences? Do I know more about a bicycle after having the experience not only using it but also maintaining it without any passion behind it than just mere passion about it? Confusing? Good.

Esok Harga panadol naik! Ha ha ha. Supply and demand people..supply and demand...

It seems that there is no such word by using blogger's spellchecker [1]

We want you!

2010-07-16T14:38:00.002+08:00

As I was reading away other people's blogs I wondered if any of us are influential. I mean apart from famous bloggers that are in the realm of celebrity (because we lack celebs in Malaysia) do you read another strangers blogs every once in awhile to get updated and sometimes get inspired? This does not count the bloggers whom you know and met in real life.

Blogs are mushrooming up like crazy this last decades especially in the last 3 to 5 years or so. Some are updated, some barely updated *cough cough*, and some just die in space. How influential can a certain blog be. This is a very valid question since the world wide web are advocates of freedom of speech and information. Nothing is impossible in the realm of the three w's.

If they are and your a blogger, do you feel burdened by the influence or at least aware of it? Most probably like most of us, you just don't give a damn because like I said before, blogs are mushrooming in numbers and perhaps most blogs become insignificant. They just become mere numbers in the statistics of the virtual world.

This is going nowhere. Ha ha.

A-ny-way, I was thinking of post themes like the tagged post, where people ask an x amount of question as a template and tag other people to do it (almost all blogs have 'em, almost). I thought about a different type of tag. Rather than an x amount of questions how about one question or word or object to theme your post regardless of your post format. Whether personal thoughts, short story, lyrics, poetry and so and so (you get the idea, I think).

To make it short, I'm proposing that we do a post on one particular album. (this is going to prove that 1. I'm seriously loosing my mind and 2. how much people actually read this space. Ha ha. Its a narcissistic thing.)

So, any ideas on a common album?

Imej

2010-07-08T11:51:00.003+08:00

"Have you ever wondered how the realisation of your self image reflects your social environment especially where infatuation is concern?" tanya aku.

"Ha?" jawap kawan aku yang sedang memasukkan satu blok berbentuk bulat pada tempatnya bagaikan seorang air traffic controller membimbing kapal terbang mendarat dengan selamat.

"I mean, do you, as time goes by, perceive people differently depending on how you see yourself in the eyes of that person?" sambung aku lagi.

"Ha?" jawap kawan aku dalam kebingungan.

"Say you have a rating system based purely on looks. 10 being the highest while 1 is the lowest. You meet a person that at first you think is a 10 but when you realise that in her eyes your merely a 4 do you consciously lower your ratings towards her?" aku cuba bertanya dengan bantuan contoh.

"Milo." jawap si kawan aku.

"Milo?" kini aku kekeliruan.

Tapi sebelum aku bertanya akan signifikasi milo dalam konteks perbincangan ini, aku berfikir sendirian " Why the heck am I in a day care center."

Kompleks

2010-06-30T14:43:00.000+08:00

Aku dan engkau mempunyai, atas permukaannya, sifat yang sama.

Tidak kira secara dalaman mahupun fizikal. Tapi aku dan engkau jauh berbeza.

Aku mungkin tidak banyak bercakap, tetapi itu tidak membuatkan aku bisu. Aku mungkin kurang pengetahuan tentang sesuatu, tetapi itu tidak bermakna aku kurang pengetahuan tentang sesuatu perkara yang lain.

Tidak pernah sehari pon aku merasakan kita berdua sehaluan. Engkau dan aku berbeza.

Gaduh itu bagaikan sudah menjadi santapan harian kita berdua. Tapi itu tidak bermakna aku mahu lari dari engkau.

Ini kerna, wahai kawan aku,

sudah pasti aku akan mati.

Part 5: Flash

2010-06-21T13:27:00.000+08:00

One night of pure misadventures excitement led to a magnifying painful hangover the next day. Some of us were half nude from the night before. But that didn't bother us much because it was all in good fun. This type of hangover is not the ones you get after a bloody Thursday night at a bar watching a basketball game. This was more subtle somehow. Maybe its because we were by then half junkies.

On with the road trip. Next stop a metropolitan city with a park nearby. As each of us got out from the van, we were all ready with our digital cameras. The five of us had to split up around the park and tag each other with a picture. Running around with a camera trying to catch each others faces wasn't your typical hometown game but a futuristic-esque approach to a game we all knew too well.

The basic objective of the game was to capture everyone faces in the camera. So off we went. All to a particular part of the park trying to hide as well as have a good vantage view of the others. These were post "relaxed" people and running was not our main forte at the moment. Some stumbled into bushes, others zig-zagged their way behind trees. The game started by mutual consent of counting to 90, 50 or whatever other numerical that Liebniz fellow made up for the world.

With my slow digital camera in hand I tried to go for the spectacular. I rushed towards my first few targets, Greg and Basel. Yeah I know, Basel! Who wouldn't want to get his picture. Running at full speed, which was equivalent to a elementary schoolgirl walk, I headed for the two. Flipping and rolling along the way as to avoid getting my picture taken myself. Finally after a couple of minutes or so, I reached a close enough point to capture Basel. I ran towards him but in the midst of the adrenaline rush, I tripped on a radicle root of a tree and subsequently stumbled rolling to the ground. To be counter productive to the mishap I started clicking endlessly on my digital camera.

I had bumped my head on the ground. A bit woozy. Dazed. I tried to regain focus on my vision. I looked up and there was perhaps the most stunningly beautiful woman I had ever seen in my life. I tried to get my head together to mutter a witty remark on the untimely stupid situation she just witnessed but the best I could do was "ergh-archs-fioziasti". She smiled. I think. I still haven't got my mind in tack as of yet.

Bill Please!

2010-06-18T14:26:00.003+08:00

Every so often I get a bill that has a percentage of service charge along with it. Now this maybe nothing new if at all recognized but do you feel that sometimes that percentage doesn't mirror the actual service given?

I have always asked the question of "do we have the right to not pay the charges?". Although these questions are asked to family and friend most of which have no real knowledge of actual consumer laws here in Malaysia. As I see it, and in the eyes of many I know, we are entitled to deny payment of such charges. Nonetheless I have never seen such a case where somebody has refuse to pay it in front of my eyes.

Why do they put up such charges anyway? My theory is our culture doesn't register a tipping system. Like it or not, if we were to rid the service chargers none (if not at least most) of the customer will not give tips to deserving (or in some cases undeserving) servers. We are not used to such a "foreign" concept. This is the same with not cleaning up after eating at a restaurant because the staff will do it for us (in cases of fast food joints and stalls). At a very early age, we are thought to leave behind our plates on the table for the cleaners to get them for us.

Now I'm not just pointing the finger at this country, I've seen such acts done in the UK and Europe where most of the cleaners, like here, are Asians of foreign origin. When I was a kid growing up in the States, we were made to clean up after our plates. Okay, the word "clean up" is mostly misunderstood because the fact is we just threw away any unusable stuff and leave the tray on necessary table, so it might not have come to the extent of "cleaning up" but the point I would want to make is the effort we put into helping out.

My theory is that with us helping out a bit, this results in better customer relations, hence better service. This also (might) result in a cleaner place unlike what you see in most fast foo joints outside a mall here in Malaysia. most notably the McD in Ayer Keroh. Ha ha! This will enhance our awareness of helping out and maybe (just maybe) improve our ethics in public situation (like that of a public transport where most pregnant ladies are still standing up).

My mom argues that this is due to a low minimum wage. Which to me is confusing because if people had a higher minimum wage, wouldn't they need to do more? But the logic is this, when the minimum wage is higher, less employees are hired. This lacks the man power to clean up. Where as with lower minimum wage, more employees are hired and assigned clean up jobs. In reality I don't see increment in employees in parallel to the work that needs to be done. That is a human right issue however (i think).

In regards to the tipping system, my logic is that if there was one, wouldn't the server increase their work performance (service and customer realtions) to get more tips? Restaurants are reluctant to gamble on the idea so they have placed a fix service charge (and a high fixed percentage at that!). So unless there are any major changes, look foward to that 15% chargers on your bill.

*This is only in theory (mine in particular) and no statistical evidence provided (because I'm that lazy). Ha ha! Observation of a guy with to many questions that are mostly useless.

Mind the Gap

2010-06-17T12:47:00.007+08:00

For as long as there are human interaction, there is always the interaction and usage of emotions. As I am daily user of the national public transport system, I get to deal with a roller coaster of emotions each week, and in some cases each day!

As I'm sure all of you are aware, the public transportation system here in this country is not developing in line with the nation's image of a developing country. It is sad to say that the system just sucks. And sucks bad I might add.

Okay, perhaps it is a mild exaggeration (yes, mild!) but it doesn't have any signs of progress. After the disastrous decision to give private companies to run the LRT and Star system back in the 90's, the government is on a steep mission to rectify the problem and at the same time elevate the system into something of a well organized one.

Each day as I stand near the bus stop where a bus passes every 30 minutes (which was "supposedly" 15 minutes) at best, I stand on an imaginary hill of emotions as other vehicles pass by. Whether their too early or too late the buses integrated under the same company is in dire need of re-organization. It seems that there are not many buses that run in one route. The problem here is volume and not the traffic jams. Regardless of the traffic activity, there should be an increase in bus volume especially in peak hours to accommodate the need of the consumer. If there is a low man power to accommodate such demand, than it is in the company's' capability and responsibility to supply. Others also have to go to work what.

There has been an improvement in the rail department within the vicinity of town but it is nothing to woo about. There's still the need to packed ourselves in such little space (sardine style) as there is an inconsistency in the coaches provided. More often than not, you will see the 2-coach train roll out instead of the 4-coach during peak hours. It is reported that only 16% of the city inhabitants uses public transport compared (most, in my opinion, foreigners) to 50% in more developed countries. That is a stark difference especially since one of which is our own neighbour, Singapore. Maybe it's a cultre thing or a trend thing. Perhaps people think that using public transport are so passe.

Now there's a new plan to develop MRT into the city which is great news only if the current system is improved to accommodate delays in the implementation (the Malaysian way la!) of such a project. Improvements must be made, and fast, if the government wants to see an increase in the number of people using the public transportation system.

*serius sangat? take that you government-oriented newspaper!

Bola Itu Bulat

2010-06-08T15:57:00.003+08:00

Three more days to go as advertise. Splattered all over the news, ads, tv and all other media platform. Its coming. Yes, three more days to go. Te-ri mor dez to go.

If you don't know by now, Im talking about FIFA's World Cup. With all the hype surrounding this one month long event, companies are producing products and services to cater the needs of the "football fanatics". But why is the count down so important that its on most main page of our local newspaper (or at least the back page since I usually read newspaper manga style, ha ha). The fact is, if your holding out the three days specified you'd be left dissapointed, unless your a particular fan of either the host nation south africa or mexico.

Yes, theres a "star studded" extravaganza before the kick-off for the opening ceremony but if you've been waiting to see the world cup, I'm betting that you don't even care about the opening ceremony let alone would want to watch it. No disrespect to south africa or mexico, but an opening match between the two is not a match I'd get excited about. The only thing that might get me watching is if future Man United player Javi Hernandez is playing. Other than that, I think I'll pass.

The "big matches" in the group stage will not start till the 15th with Cote d'Ivoire facing Portugal in what is regarded as the group of death. The kick-off hours in this part of the region is a bit difficult especially if you want to watch the big guns going at it (unless you think France under Domenech are big guns". Ha ha. I kid, I kid.) Although there are some favourable match times in the group stage, its going to get tougher to watch the games as the tournament sprint for the finish.

I'm one to first admit that I might be a little too addicted to football, but the opening match of this, and other world cup before it, has never managed to get me watching. On behalf of football fanatics everywhere, please give us the permission to go crazy for this whole month and let there be panadols for breakfast as we zombie back to work!

P/S: Selamat Pulang? Ha ha ha.

Name That Movie 6

2010-05-15T13:09:00.002+08:00

Paul : You know, if we're going to do this we should write our own stuff. Then we don't get stiffed by the record companies.

John: I write stuff. Not songs, more poetry...you know,stories.

Paul: Add a tune to that and you've got a song.

John: You've written any?

Paul: A couple.

John: How do you know so much? You don't seem like the rock and roll kind of guy.

Paul: You mean I don't go around smashing things up and acting like a dick?

John: Yeah.

Paul: No. It's the music. That's it, its just music. Simple.

Name That Movie 5

2010-05-11T09:36:00.002+08:00

Tommy Corn: [Albert and Tommy sitting on marsh rock] What are you doing tomorrow?

Albert Markovski: I was thinking about chaining myself to a bulldozer. Do you want to come?

Tommy Corn: What time?

Albert Markovski: Mm, one, one-thirty.

Tommy Corn: Sounds good. Should I bring my own chains?

Albert Markovski: We always do.
[Scene goes blurry. Tommy hits Albert in the face with the big orange ball and then hits himself in the face with it]

Bunyi Vakum Berfungsi

2010-04-30T18:35:00.003+08:00

Perlukah aku memulakan nukilan blog ini dengan kata-kata untuk menjelaskan habuk maya yang telah terkumpul dalam blog ni? Pastinya tidak bukan? Jikalau itu satu pertanyaan yang engkau mahu aku jawap, ternyata engkau tidak kenal sama makhluk ini. Ayat ci-bai.

Terduduk memandang skrin putih didepan aku ini, aku tidak berfikir tentang apa yang hendak ditaipkan malah aku tidak berfikir. Period. Ha ha. Tapi itu cerita lain. Bak kata orang kolumpo, apa cer? Ayat lagi ci-bai. Jadi aku hanya menaip perkataan-perkataan yang aku rasa nak taip. Kita lihat jika ia akan menghasilkan ayat-ayat novel melayu yang sdah di sunting oleh pihak penerbit atau hanya kata-kata pra fantasi.

Untuk kita tenungkan lagi isu-isu debat diatas, aku berhenti disini.
Ayat paling ci-bai.

Gambar Jalan-Jalan 3

2010-04-19T15:24:00.002+08:00

Malaysian Hall

Mark And Spencer's Cafe

On the way to Carnaby Street.

Old Trafford

Lame Bebenor

2010-04-11T07:41:00.003+08:00

Okay, so I haven't been posting as much as I would have liked to but that's life. Deal with it (talking furiously with myself). It's been awhile now since I've issued out some thought provoking, well organized, intellectual yet funny things in this blog and if you know me, I'm not going to start now.

So till here for now. Heh.

It's still my fucking blog.

Pantas

2010-04-05T16:30:00.003+08:00

Aku pergi makan di restoran yang menyediakan makan berat bersama kawan aku. Seperti biasa kami berdua sahaja. Order masing-masing dan kami mula berborak.

Sedang kami sedap makan beliau bertanya kepadaku "why don't you play football like the way you talk about it?".

Tanpa memikirkan apa-apa aku lantas menjawap "why don't you look like what you eat?".

Beliau sedang makan salad ketika itu.

Kami berdua senyap seketika.

Okay, soalan beliau sebenarnya bukan itu. Aku tipu. Beliau sebenarnya bertanyakan "why don't you speak like you write?". I wasn't offended. Tapi ia bagaikan satu refleks pantas yang keluar dari mulut aku.

Sorry beb. You know me well enough. Ha ha.

Gambar Jalan-Jalan 2

2010-04-02T16:14:00.004+08:00

Ninja Canada

One things for sure..we love 'em food.

Ya, aku dan adik aku bawak bag roller berjalan-jalan hari itu sementara yang lain bawak lite..ini baru bagpackers sebenar.

Semua lokasi di atas, di universiti tertera.

Train station yang tutup hari Christmas. Aku tak tau kenapa tutup. Tak meriah pon hari itu. Ha ha.

Aku dan Sir Matt kawan baik, tapi dia sorang je dpt statue.

Gambar jalan-jalan 1

2010-04-01T22:07:00.003+08:00

Obviously not in chronological order.

Baklava
Location: School Road Acton.

Malaysian Cuisine
Location: Restaurant Tukdin, Cravern Road near Paddington station.
Amik engkau lapar!

Warning

2010-03-31T00:45:00.002+08:00

Ada beberapa permintaan dari rakan-rakan baru-baru ini untuk blog "personal" aku. Atas sebab aku tiada akaun sosial seperti facebook mereka ingin melihat gambar-gambar yang sempat aku atau mereka disekelilingku tangkap ketika berjalan-jalan terutamanya gambar-gambar baru.

Untuk pengetahuan semua, aku tak banyak gambar. Mungkin sampai ke tahap tidak mahu bergambar. Tapi itu tidak pernah menghalang dari gambar aku ditangkap. Pening sebentar. Uphamol.

Atas sebab kekurangan idea semenjak dua menjak tiga menjak ni, aku akan ambil inisiatif untuk muat atas?kan gambar jalan-jalan aku.

Jadi ini satu amaran, blog ini akan menjadi lebih personal dari sekarang. Sediakan tong sampah anda semua.

Part 4 : Time Travel

2010-03-30T01:31:00.000+08:00

It was another droning day at the office but it was different somehow. I just couldn't put my finger on it. Perhaps it was because today was a Friday and the weekend was about to start. Ah, the weekend. Two and a half days of deflecting work. Two and a half days of pure satisfaction whatever it is your doing. Or perhaps it was because we finally made plans for the weekend. All of us. The housemates that is. Its such a rarity that we plan to spend time together as we rarely see one another at home.

The work day didn't feel at all an awe inspiring uplifting experience. Running around to far too many places. Having to deliver things before the holidays is such a pain in the ass. Everyone is already in their festive mood and would like to send all their works at the same time just to annoy people like me. Luckily I had enough Advils to numb any emotions towards the workload.

The clock ticking ever so closely to 5 o'clock. Everybody is packing up their stuff to finally make use of them. I on the other hand have already packed. Not much to pack anyway. Light is the way to go in this town, especially when my preferred transportation is my old bike. As I got home, the guys were already there waiting with their bags on the floor ready to go. We weren't going far away though. Most of the stuff inside their bags were food. For you see, this trip needed lots of food.

Hoped on Steve's, my housemate, 63' Corvair. Okay so it wasn't your adventurous vintage 85' GMC Vendura the A team used or the magic mystery bus that were the center of Scooby Doo and the gang but it still had the charm and character to it. The five of us inside a van that had only 3 seats at the back because of one ingenious night we all had after some frolicking around. Guys with huge testosterone high after watching a basketball game. Luckily for us there was just the five of us this time. Usually in this kind of circumstance we would have had at least five more friends that came along and most of us had to sit down on the floor of the van. Off we went. It was getting dark so Steve turned on the headlights which we all know was slightly just more powerful than a double A battery operated flashlight. Just. It wasn't such a long ride but it seemed that way because of the speed the van was going. It was to be another one of Steve's pet project. To fix his van. One of millions.

We finally arrived to nowhere. Nothing insight for miles except the big flat terrain and a few hard hills. Sand filled the sky as the air drizzles. It was for some the desert. Than one of my housemates, George, took out his stash. It wasn't much but it was enough for the five of us. This dark plant that has an umbrella for a head has magical powers they say. Everyone took one but later added a few more. Henry wasn't one who could digest it that well so he put it in a sandwich to nullify the pungent taste. These magical plants took us to places we've never been before. People cope differently when consuming such mystical plants. Henry was the quiet one after such a trip while Greg would be the overtly paranoid one. It didn't mean much anyway since we all had one thing in mind. Food. Hunger strikes best when your high. With backpacks full of any junk food we get a hold on, it was to be one hell of a night.

So we were there in the middle of nowhere while being everywhere at the same time.

Prihal semasa

2010-03-20T23:25:00.002+08:00

If you want to shoot your fucking leg off, don't fucking get it messed up on me for fuck sake.

Excuse my fucking french.

Silap orang

2010-03-17T15:00:00.003+08:00

Orang yang bukan kawan aku berlari kearahku dan mula berkata "abang, ada 5 minit tak? Ini product bla... bla.. bla..."

Aku mendengar sebentar. Aku baik begitu. heh.

Selepas aku sedar beliau sudah mengambil lebih dari 5 minit yang telah di tetapkan ketika itu aku pon berkata, "takpe la. Saya nak pergi dulu, terima kasihla."

Beliau menjawap dengan pantas "rilex la abang, tolonglah melayu." Aku tak tipu.

Aku pelik, MLM pon ada utamakan kaum ke?

Aku menjawap "saya tidak mendifinisikan kaum."

Beliau tergamam dan lalu menyambut, aku tak tipu, "melayu mudah lupa."

Okay aku tipu, tetapi walauapapun perkataan yang boleh dituturkan selepas itu sudah pasti aku sudah bersedia dengan bitch slap. Ya, bitch slap. Tak perlu flying2 kick pon ketika berlakunya perkara ini.

Pada realitinya beliau berlari-lari cheetah kearah lain. Cheetah.

Name That Movie 3 & 4

2010-03-11T17:08:00.003+08:00

The Firts Movie:

Miss Dodger: At a certain part in your life. Probably when too much of it has gone by. You will open your eyes and see yourself for who you are. Especially for everything that made you so different from all the awful normals. And you will say to yourself, "But I am this person." And in that statement, that correction, there will be a kind of love.

The Second Movie:

Boris Yellnikoff: That's why I can't say enough times, whatever love you can get and give, whatever happiness you can filch or provide, every temporary measure of grace, whatever works.

Clue: The second has the title of the movie in the line.
p/s: yes, I've only managed to copy and paste movie quotes for the past posts. Perhaps its some kind of writers block I'm going through. Perhaps I'm that lazy.

Name That Movie 2

2010-03-01T23:28:00.001+08:00

Andy Dufresne: That's the beauty of music. They can't get that from you... Haven't you ever felt that way about music?

Red: I played a mean harmonica as a younger man. Lost interest in it though. Didn't make much sense in here.

Andy Dufresne: Here's where it makes the most sense. You need it so you don't forget.

Red: Forget?

Andy Dufresne: Forget that... there are places in this world that aren't made out of stone. That there's something inside... that they can't get to, that they can't touch. That's yours.

Red: What're you talking about?

Andy Dufresne: Hope.

Today

2010-02-26T01:43:00.003+08:00

I look to the right of the screen where this month's post are archived and I laugh. Dry spell. More of a whole lot of laziness going around. The more I'm busy, the more it is I write. With exceptions to when I'm extremely bored that I talk to myself and convince myself to write a post. I do talk a lot to myself, I guess that's just the kind of vain person I am. Ha ha.

I've been watching a lot of movies this months hence the Name that Movie post which I might put up a couple more whenever I want to post something but don't have any idea of what to post time comes up.

This is a fairly short post. Just because.

Part 3: Lesson Learned

2010-02-24T08:07:00.002+08:00

This home, though it has been only 5 years since we rented it, has changed a lot over that period of time. Once full of color now has become what the surrounding world was, colorless. There were 4 of us living in this apartment, one of which was me. I knew Greg the longest since we were in the same orphanage together.

I knew at an early age that I wasn't perceive as normal to the outside world. I had no parents. I didn't know my biological parents. Fuck it, I didn't want to. My fellow orphans became my family but later on I didn't care much as many of them were sent to foster families. I watch as kid after kid waved goodbye. I too was sent many times to live with foster families but none of which ever worked out.

Even though I masterminded a lot of devilish acts as a kid, especially to get out of the foster parent's home, I was always the one who got bullied. I was little in physique and grew slower than the other boys at the orphanage. I was tormented by this one deaf boy almost everyday. Each day I force myself to learn sign language so that one day, at least for one day, I could beat him up. I knew if I learned sign language it won't be much of a case in sympathy and that then, we were even. Him with his hearing impairment and me with my scrawny physique.

That day came and I went to confront him. Needless to say, he didn't at all looked happy. His size twice as big as mine and with hands as big as king kong's he ran to me with anger. If this was a movie, he'd be running in slow motion. Unfortunately this was more a slapstick comedy than a full on action drama. I was a bit surprise that for one he could move that fast, and secondly why he's even beating me up in the first place. Okay, I might have lied, maybe it was because of my endless cussing. Okay, I might have lied about that too, it was more of a one finger hand gesture than a poetic line of cussing.

I was out of breath by the time he was finish beating me up, and by the looks of things so did he. So what it was only because of the energy needed to do the beating up, I still managed to make him sweat in my books. A mental win I thought. I did however learned that I could still think to myself while getting beaten up. It was another mental win. Even though I was thinking of why I learned sign language instead of self defense, I still prefer it to be rationalized as a mental win. Eat that deaf boy as I said to him in my mind.

I grew up knowing one thing from that encounter, don't fight those who are bigger physically than you. The other thing that I got from all of the beatings was a best friend in Greg. He was beside me throughout all the beating. Even though he was getting beaten himself, I did feel we would stick together for a long time. A combat brother. The kinds where you hear from veteran soldiers who was at 'nam and Korea but on a smaller scale.

Name That Movie 1

2010-02-12T18:54:00.000+08:00

Mr. Edward Magorium: [to Molly, about dying] When King Lear dies in Act V, do you know what Shakespeare has written? He's written "He dies." That's all, nothing more. No fanfare, no metaphor, no brilliant final words. The culmination of the most influential work of dramatic literature is "He dies." It takes Shakespeare, a genius, to come up with "He dies." And yet every time I read those two words, I find myself overwhelmed with dysphoria. And I know it's only natural to be sad, but not because of the words "He dies." but because of the life we saw prior to the words.
[pause, walks over to Molly]

Mr. Edward Magorium: I've lived all five of my acts, Mahoney, and I am not asking you to be happy that I must go. I'm only asking that you turn the page, continue reading... and let the next story begin. And if anyone asks what became of me, you relate my life in all its wonder, and end it with a simple and modest "He died."

Molly Mahoney: [starting to sob] I love you.

Mr. Edward Magorium: I love you, too.
[picks Molly up, sighs heavily]

Mr. Edward Magorium: Your life is an occasion. Rise to it.

Si Badut Dunia

2010-02-03T01:28:00.003+08:00

Engkau hidup dalam kegelapan,
hanya keluar melihat cahaya apabila di panggil..

Engkau tiada ruang bernafas,
di sogokkan dengan penipuan orang sekeliling..

Engkau di putar, di pulas dengan sekuat hati,
sampai pada satu tahap engkau tiada perasaan selain dari letupan dari dalam..

Engkau tidak tahan pada musik yang di mainkan,
hanya putaran bunyian menyakitkan asas musika dunia pada masa kamu mahukan pembaharuan..

Engkau wahai kawanku,
Jack dalam kotak.

Melampau

2010-01-30T21:41:00.001+08:00

People can be dickheads sometimes.

Tembak

2010-01-29T21:04:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I think that I have dug a hole so deep into the flaming volcanic core of the earth that I'm not able to get back up. I've dug myself too deep that I just want to take my P08 Parabellum and conjure up a new life.

I truly hope none of you out there have the chance to quote me on that.