out of the box

Morning rush. The train packed full of people. Comes in a young energetic man that by this time blends in with the crowd.

As the train moves he makes beats with his mouth and as the train makes its journey he can be heard saying “next station setiawangsa” a couple of times.

Other ordinary people makes looks at him as if he was abnormal but too afraid are they to act or say anything. Society.

All would turn and look everytime the young man announces the next station, perplexed by the abnormality of what it is that they are seeing or hearing though no one would have admitted to it. So they just keep quiet while getting a good glance everytime they can.

As the train moves from the stop before mine, the young man suddenly stops saying anything. Admiring the view outside in silence. The voice recorded announcer announces the next stop suddenly, for the first time in the whole journey. “Next station Ampang Park”.

Perhaps the young man knew. Perhaps he was simply abnormal.

Hereditary

If even your parents wants to have one over you.

Hyperspeed

If humans had superpowers, they wouldn't become superheroes.

Stolen Dance

"It's okay Mark. I don't think I need to meet new people." I tried saying to him.
He was basically non existent in the conversation or whatever this was. He seemed busy scanning through the mounds of people surrounding this huge property.

While resuming your normal small talk, Mark called aloud "Emma". I just took more sips of my drink. A tall skinny girl walked up to us. She had a wavy brunette hair with hazel eyes. A blue dress with beige platforms. Weird. Mark started the introduction. "Sam, I want you to meet Emma. She will also be joining Josh in that upcoming movie." "Ah I see. Nice to meet you." I responded as getting out a hand to shake.

"I have heard so much about you." she started saying.
"Oh. I'm sorry, but I can't say the same for you." instinctively responded.

I have long forgotten how to care. We started talking on her background. I was sure that was a good way to lead the conversation. With every sentence I was trying to find keywords to get out of it. How come the more the people are at one particular place in time, the more awkwardly lonely one get?

"So what new stuff you've done recently?" she asked.
"Nothing really. Just reviewing other people's work most of the time. The rest of it is spent trying to get my head around the idea that I am here" I replied.
"That sounds cool. Why don't you start doing some superhero stuff. Seems to be getting good responses." she said trying to convince the notion.

"Can I just stab her or shoot her or something?"
"No. You know that is not something that is accepted."

I just nodded and smiled.

Snap out of it

After some time readjusting my vision I realized that I am just sitting in mall parking lot in the middle of the city. The phone rang. It was Mark. I knew this as the song Psycho Killer played whenever he called. Aptly chosen, I thought.

"Where are you?" he was asking while I tried to be fully aware of my surrounding.
"I am somewhere." I answered.
"Well Josh is having this party up at his house. Come now, no excuse." he said trying to convince me.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah." I replied reluctantly.

So on I went to Josh's who has a house on top of a hill that overlooked the city. This is where all the rich people lived. The kind of people that they are not worried where their next paycheck comes in or when for that matter. The ones whose problems involves talking about jargon that no normal person could decipher and yet still a bitch ain't one. The one percent.

Two building connected by a corridor and a pool in the middle. Everybody else were already nearing the pool with drinks in hand. Some are even in the pool itself which is surround by lush greens. As one would go to the end of the plot, one would be welcomed by a beautiful view of the city skyline. With the moon up shining. Reflections of a city that never sleeps and yet its inhabitants do anything but.

Mark came to me with a drink. "Here you go." as he hands it to me. "Look at the view eh." making small talk. "Yeah I guess. Seems a bit crowded though." I lazily replied. "Yeah, Josh just got news that he got the role for that superhero movie, and you know how that goes financially" Mark explained. "Yeah. So I've heard." trying to reply with enthusiasm. "Look, I've asked you to come because I want you to meet a friend of mine." he continued. "Oh." my only response.

This doesn't sound good.  

 

Stub out

Wheels spinning on the tarmac, as light rain descent onto the earth. It was a windy night that seems out of place for a country like this. Even so I have my windows down enjoying as the wind whispers into the night. I light a cigarette just because. Strolling at night through the concrete jungle of the city. Skyscrapers high with glass windows covering the exterior reflecting the night lights surrounding the area. The full moon is out giving more light to the night sky.

New Order softly plays in the background as I am cruising at not more than 60 km/hour. At this late night no cars are on the road currently where during the day the roads seemed more like a big parking lot than a place where cars stream through. Even the traffic lights seemed to have agreed with my midnight stroll, as one by one turned green. All seemed to not matter as I barely knew where I was. Just driving following the track in front of me, not knowing where to go. It wouldn't have mattered much. Not today.

"So you have started smoking again" she said as I puffed one more toxic induced smoke into the air.

I quickly put out the cigarette by clumsily crushing the burning end on the side of the car. Or so I thought. The wind had blown it into the car and it dropped on my lap. Its burning hot end warming up my upper thighs. I did a crazy dance trying to get it on the ground and stomp it out. "Well look at you've done" I sad as I wipe the ashes from my jeans. "I didn't do anything, it was all you. As it has always been." she replied.

"Why are you here anyways?" I asked. "I'm not." she replied.

Maybe that wasn't a cigarette after all.

Hungry much

Would people still buy if there was a stall selling "ayam golek atas tar" if word of mouth says its good? Would it depend on whom?

Psychology during Ramadhan. Pfft. Go figure.

Horizonte

Life is a collection of how other people want you to be.

Warmth

Sometimes, putting on a brave face is the most cowardly.

Brain freeze

Sometimes your brain refuses to cooperate and freezes. Laughing at the fact that you can't even utter simple words to make a complete sentence.

I have been having a lot of that lately.

Damn it!

Contention

Sometimes when you think you're not worth it, someone just shows you why.

Sheesh..

Of hope

I've found that inspiration is hard to come by nowadays. Perhaps its becuase I'm getting older. Perhaps its because of the change I'm going through. Or even the fact that it could just be my limitation. 

Regardless, I'm praying that I am still able to create, imagine and dream. 

While I'm at it, I would also like to pray for my sanity and having the pieces fall into place. There are still a lot of question that needs answering, which I'm hoping that the answers are what I want to hear.

Its selfish I guess but I can only hope.

Cozy grounds

Mark sent me home after some light brunch at Daisy's. If I knew there was brunch I wouldn't have bothered with breakfast and an awkward conversation with a stranger.

This was my home. The place I grew up. As obvious as it was, it never felt that way. I was greeted by my mom who immediately felt like she had to feed me and asking as to whether I'm eating enough. Mothers.

It would be awhile before I could familiarise myself with the space that was my room. It hadn't changed much since the day I left. Mothers. 

She started some small talk about the wedding. I only answered in one liners. Typical. 

I then proceeded to stay in my room and just listen to Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, because, well, can you go wrong with any of their catalogs? Typical.

As I lay on my bed listening to John, Paul, George and Ringo, I pictured how we were not too long ago. Of optimistic enthusiasm thinking how we could change the world. Youthful ignorance they say. Hey, ignorance is bliss.

A day out

Bright blue as if the ocean was above

the shine of the sun piercing through

I look down and adjusted my vision

and yet I could not take away it's glow

Her hair short and straight, enough, I guess

her eyes matched the sky, the ocean

her nose not long, not short

leads to the most beautiful smile.

As I look down further

bright line shine outwards

it soons becomes hazy, dizzying

as the color fades from its beauty

I placed my hands on her shoulder

I could sense that my grip was loosening
she turned away slowly as if it was in slow motion

my hands I saw only red

dripping itself down to the earth

I felt a throbbing pain coming from my chest

a sharp edge, deep, piercing

eyes slowly rolled upwards

now on my knees as I watch pavement come

Flashing lights

then darkness soon after

the streets sang loud

"I came to this world with nothing,

and I leave with nothing but love,

Everything else is just borrowed"


I am hoping this to be a new lease and an end to something that has been attached with me for far too long. Along with a song that I would think seems to be a tarantino like choice of song.

Nokhta

Perhaps only in death will you find life.

Feedback

"So you're back for good?" asked Tom, Daisy's father. "I don't think so. I am going back as soon as everything's over." I replied. "Well you should stay here longer. Especially since you haven't been in contact with anybody for the last couple years" Tom said with a serious tone. "We'll see how everything goes then." I ended.

I didn't have much contact after I left this place trying to search for a career. I tried to find myself more than a career for the most part. Along the way the career took over. Plucking my way from obscurity to mediocrity is not an easy thing to do. I place myself deep in work perhaps more so to distance myself from this place.

As we walked past the house and onto the backyard full of colorful flowers it dawned to me as to the depth of this event. Not as if I have not been to one of these before. The large white tents fill the big empty space and yet does not outshine the flowers on display. "Its looking beautiful Tom." I said trying to break an awkward silence. "Well thanks to you" he replied. " I just gave Daisy some suggestions" I said while circling the surroundings. "You know how much she values your opinion. More reason for you to still be here after this all ends" Tom said. "I'm sure there's not much reason for me here especially with the past" I replied.

Tom had his arm on my shoulder and said "Look, that's the past. Sometimes all you can do is just be there and water the flowers and let it grow."

"Whatever it is that you're on right now, I want some."

Little Bites

All three of us are now inside Mark's brand new Japanese made car that perhaps lack that bit of character as most new car do. Mark has always been one to indulge on the latest things that mankind, or should I put it "globalization", has to offer. These roads, however newly paved they are, can never get away from its familiarity. It seems like I've never left at all.

"We're going to Daisy's first" Mark turned and said. "You should watch the road, and why?" I replied. Daisy intervened saying "You know how my dad loves you. He would like to see you when you've arrived. Heck he loves you more than my brother." "That's what I was afraid of" I sighed. The next few minutes just became this silent passing of nature through the automated window. Not for the lack of conversational item, we always seem to have that innate sense of when to talk and when to just to enjoy the silence of each other.

When we got to Daisy's house there was his dad already outside just watering the lily that's been growing in their lawn for ever since I could remember. I go up and say hi thinking that he'll probably start by giving me lectures on how to grow lilies. Which sure enough he does. Talking about the portions of watering needed and how to talk to them while watering. Not that I wasn't interested, its just that somehow he would forget every time I meet him that he talks about this all the time and only after giving the lecture would he talk about other things.

Just another day then.

Cozy weird

The coolness of the breeze is a good way to start my morning breakfast at this quite little restaurant. The warmth you get from familiarity. With a hot cuppa, I start digging into the highly unhealthy nasi lemak. Basic in its amenities, its no frills approach has never bothered me especially since it has felt like ages since the last time I ate something homey.

A balding middle aged man walked into the empty restaurant and sat right in front of me. With his pencil thin mustache and thinner lips, he gave a slight smile while managing to pull up his hand to give a semi wave. "Even though this would be considered as a small restaurant but with at least hundreds of other chairs and table, or so it seemed, why did he had to choose one in front of me?", I thought to myself while trying to conjure up something similar to a smile.

"I have never seen you around before? Are you new around this area?" the man asked. This, I thought, is where my multitasking skill is put to the test. "Yeah I guess. Waiting for friends." I replied. "Just nod and smile god-dammit!" I was thinking to myself. This bore-fest might take awhile. All this done with my phone on the other hand texting "Where are u guys?!!!!!!". This guy can go on and on talking. Finally a reply was received, "15 more minutes" which I replied myself by saying "u said that half an hour ago....". This is not looking good. Its probably how POW's feel like while getting interrogated.

After probably 15 minutes worth of nodding and smiling the man finally caved and went quite. Mental victory!!! Membrane high-fives!! After finishing my breakfast I was ready to head out when I heard a familiar laugh. A slight hyena like laugh or was the lion king not a documentary? There he was at the table outside having a fag with Daisy trying not to show any sense of how hard they were laughing.

"Where were you guys? How long have you guys been here?". Mark casually answered back while puffing out smokes "about 20 minutes ago." I was infuriated. "Why didn't you guys come in? Don't you know how I hate social interactions with gleeful human beings?? I think its my face, I need to have that " I'm gonna slit your throat face".

They both replied simultaneously "of course we do".

Fuck.  

Anger Repelant

Every once in awhile you think to yourself why am I here? Injustices have been pushing every button imaginable these past months. Patience is a virtue they say. Perhaps. But sometimes its days like these when you ask yourself why.

Running Sideways

I thought about whether I am self aware of my surroundings. Whether I am in my reality and not over analyzing certain fragments of my life. It is daunting to think that with each passing days 24 hours have come and left us. They say that time flies when your having fun. I believe that saying is irrelevant nowadays. Perhaps its just me thinking that I am just here standing still while there a billions of Usain Bolts running around me. Highly unlikely even if mankind have found ways of perfect cloning. Whatever it is, here's hoping for the best.