out of the box

Morning rush. The train packed full of people. Comes in a young energetic man that by this time blends in with the crowd.

As the train moves he makes beats with his mouth and as the train makes its journey he can be heard saying “next station setiawangsa” a couple of times.

Other ordinary people makes looks at him as if he was abnormal but too afraid are they to act or say anything. Society.

All would turn and look everytime the young man announces the next station, perplexed by the abnormality of what it is that they are seeing or hearing though no one would have admitted to it. So they just keep quiet while getting a good glance everytime they can.

As the train moves from the stop before mine, the young man suddenly stops saying anything. Admiring the view outside in silence. The voice recorded announcer announces the next stop suddenly, for the first time in the whole journey. “Next station Ampang Park”.

Perhaps the young man knew. Perhaps he was simply abnormal.

A day out

Bright blue as if the ocean was above

the shine of the sun piercing through

I look down and adjusted my vision

and yet I could not take away it's glow

Her hair short and straight, enough, I guess

her eyes matched the sky, the ocean

her nose not long, not short

leads to the most beautiful smile.

As I look down further

bright line shine outwards

it soons becomes hazy, dizzying

as the color fades from its beauty

I placed my hands on her shoulder

I could sense that my grip was loosening
she turned away slowly as if it was in slow motion

my hands I saw only red

dripping itself down to the earth

I felt a throbbing pain coming from my chest

a sharp edge, deep, piercing

eyes slowly rolled upwards

now on my knees as I watch pavement come

Flashing lights

then darkness soon after

the streets sang loud

"I came to this world with nothing,

and I leave with nothing but love,

Everything else is just borrowed"


I am hoping this to be a new lease and an end to something that has been attached with me for far too long. Along with a song that I would think seems to be a tarantino like choice of song.

Pukulan Hebat

Just when you thought your mentally stable coping with life, they throw you a curve ball for you to get over.

Anger Repelant

Every once in awhile you think to yourself why am I here? Injustices have been pushing every button imaginable these past months. Patience is a virtue they say. Perhaps. But sometimes its days like these when you ask yourself why.

1am?

Sebelum hari natal baru-baru ini aku menghadiri kenduri kahwin makcik aku. Sudah menjadi satu perkara normal apabila aku ditanya soalan-soalan wajib di majlis-majlis sebegini. Sudah pasti bukan soalan-soalan yang aku mahu menjawap.

Pak cik: Ni ada production team tengah cari orang untuk jadi pengacara rancangan kanak-kanak. They need a fluent speaker. Hilmi ko pergi audition la.

Aku pandang beliau fikirkan seperti cliche drunk uncle at weddings. Tapi beliau dengan muka stoic pandang kearahku seperti terfikirkan itu satu cadangan yang munasabah malah hebat daripada beliau.

Pak cik: Eh kejap, they are looking for people between 18-23 years old.

Fuck.

And they wonder how I get my dark sense of humor. Heh.

Selamat Tahun Baru.

Payung Lutsinar

Take a deep breath and look outside to see the rain. Drenched. I guess this time of the year what more can you expect. Perhaps its just the cycle of year. Perhaps it's more than that. Regardless this is not the thing I wanted to talk about, but it made for a mellow intro. Ha ha.

Perception, illusion and assumption. All dangerous in their own way and with the now globalized world, these three words become more powerful than ever. With communication between a community a "click a way" (they say) we are becoming more and more distant even if it looks like we are closer now than then. If that made any sense at all then I am sure you might get what I will be trying to say. Ha ha.

Being a human being in this day and age especially as a generation that will steer the country forward we are no longer separated by six degrees.There seems to be pressure for everyone to be connected with one another. Although this can be seen as something positive where people are more united than ever but if the three words mention above becomes the cloud that surrounds us, it will be the crack in the armor of unity. (How cheesy is that?)

My decision not to be too involved in the technological advancement probably have separated me from many acquaintances but it has never come without reasons. People's perception of me does not bother me that much (meaning to say yes it bothers me) but don't let it be what defines me. This seems more and more like a rant. I guess it is.

Perhaps the rain has effected me more than I would admit it had.

6th Drive

The Last stop before arriving back in London was the Bicester Village outlet. Not much to say other than shopping? Ha ha. Also awkwardly met a friend of my mom whom I've met when I was in the States which if you know by now is awkward for me and not anybody else. Did not snap much pictures as not much to see really as well as in London itself as more shopping done than sight seeing.

Sight seeing? Really?

One of few snaps

And Finally the reason "we" all went there in the first place.

5th Drive

A day after having been to Scotland (finally) we track our way down back to London. Of course it was not a straight drive down as we had stops in Oxford, Sherwood in Nottingham, and York. We actually hadn't plan to go to these stops except for the Sherwood forest. By now my parents was also under the weather which meant that driving long distance was not much of an option. The rain was almost non existent by now but the wind was still picking up.

The University town

The forest

And York (taken from a rooftop car park)

Would have place a bit more pictures but I don't know how to rotate the pictures through this blog and have not bothered finding out. (typical...pffft.)

4th Drive

The next day we arrive at our north most destination for the whole trip which was Edinburgh. Not so much had changed weather wise and also with my health but luckily the rain stopped as we arrived at the Edinburgh Castle. My brother had internet connection using his phone so we got tickets on the spot through online halfway through waiting in the line. I wen with the walking guide while the others went by themselves because they couldn't been bothered to wait for the tour. Ha ha. We stayed at the castle for about an hour plus and then went walking along the Royal Mile where we got a bite to eat and snapped some pictures in front of the coffee shop that J. K. Rowling frequented during the making of her potter books.

Inside the castle

Along the Royal Mile

The Elephant House

3rd Drive

And so the journey continues north bound with stop at Cumbria. The Lake district to be exact and by this time I was down with fever and flu and everything else. It was raining most of the ways and I felt like the weather. We could not enjoy much of the scenery due to the bad weather but we, like most other days, made the most of it. As we arrived at Windermere our first stop was the World of Beatrix Potter attraction. A famous children's author that did not fill my childhood. Ha ha. Then cruised along the lake district stopping by at the pier and finally head to a travelodge nearby.

The World of Beatrix Potter attraction

Both were along the lake.

Some parts of the pier.

Windermere

2nd Drive

The following day we head further north to Liverpool. The drive was planned so that each stop wouldn't have been that far off from one another. Arriving in Liverpool itself wasn't so hard, but there was a mix up when trying to find the pace we were heading towards within Liverpool that proved the hassle. The sun was out this time but windy as hell. At the Albert Dock went to the Beatles story exhibit and also the maritime museum. Which my friends and me debated due to the lack of free entering museums in Malaysia. Ha ha. Stopped by a mall in the Liverpool area for lunch where we got our first taste of the Olympics when a group of dancers that will be in the ceremony gave a performance. Before finally heading for the travel lodge, stopped by Anfield stadium just to get people back home jealous. Ha ha. For that reason alone it was worth it. Ha ha.

The Albert Dock

In your face! Ha ha.

1st Drive

The driving began as we head north bound towards Scotland. For obvious reasons we had more than one stop before arriving in Scotland a few of days later. Up first in a familiar rainy day in parts of the UK was the Stonehenge where most of the tourist arriving there was probably thinking in the same line as I was "those stones aren't that tall in real life". That said, it was still a sight to behold. Then there was the Swindon outlet which has been a main stay every time we go to the UK and lastly stopped at Stratford Upon Avon where as people would know (I didn't) was the birthplace of Shakespeare.

Imagining zombies walking slowly towards some piece of well organised rocks.

From afar. (like duh)

Take that puasa!

This was the closest we could get to one another. Ha ha.

Cameron Highlands anyone?

One of many shops I "looked around"

Landing

It's already past halfway through Ramadan and I still can't fix back my sleeping schedule. Not that working odd hours ever helps. Now that I'm starting back mornings its a big ask to just get some snooze time. This would have never happened during Uni years (not really, but trying to dramatize the situation ha ha).

As per previous post, I have hinted at getting images in this blog mostly to distract myself from writing a horribly melodramatic post. Anyway, my family and I (minus my sis) went to my brother's graduation. It was for 11 days (not the convo though ha ha). The first day was not much hassle, we landed sometime in the afternoon and head straight to my brother's rented house after picking up the car. Didn't do much of anything on the first day really. Which was no surprise considering the driving ahead, but I did get comfy infront of the TV. Once a couch potato, *almost* always a couch potato. Ha ha.

Not my brother's rented house. But let's just say that it looks similar shall we.

At the front of the house while waiting for someone to open the door, because surprise, surprise, my brother didn't bring along the key.

Picture of the car. Not for continuity purpose. Ha ha.

This is the house though. But from the inside. Ha ha.

Dodgy grass

So as I sit here after a "thank god its an off day" day, I am reminded that it is the father's day weekend. Or is it actually father's day (I am not too sure). While my parents is out having perhaps a father's day dinner out with my sis whose just gone into uni, I am sitting here trying to indulge myself before tomorrow's impending sorrows. (I am quite the optimist as I've been told).

Now before you go "you're not out with your dad on father's day?", know that I did have this mutual day out yesterday as a father-son bonding of sorts by smashing with anger at tiny white spherical entities. Where we did such activities is what I actually wanted to point out. We went to a golf course that got me started in the first place.

Have you been to a place that when you were little you thought the world off but now you just solely think its crap. Like how when you were little you felt that the playground you went to was huge but when you grew older you can see that its freakishly tiny and lame? Well that golf course took me to those fantastic little notion. Perhaps because of its lack of maintenance or perhaps I was mostly high during that time, but whatever it was, its RM50 wasted. Ha ha. We were actually looking forward to going there because of the rate it offered, but by perhaps the 10th hole I said to my dad, "for this lot RM50 is bloody expensive". (Yes, in that snobbish British accent). I could say that because I wasn't paying for the game. If I was, I would not have been there.

I know this story seems to just point out that I'm a dick, but, I can't complaint cause I think that too. Ha ha.

Rainy season

If ever normality was in the picture.

 Wallpaper anybody?

 What was at first an impromptu shot became a terrible impression of Morrissey. Ha ha.

Dirty Pop

Maybe change is a bit too much for awhile. Perhaps. It kinda occurred to me while watching Justin Beiber's Never Say Never movie on HBO. Yes. Justin Beiber's movie. The obvious misconception is that I am all "indie" and listen to mostly unheard of songs, but this does not mean I like Justin in any way (or how a 5 year old in the late 90's would say "na'ah"). I am really not sure why I needed to state any of those things but I guess when I watched the movie I realized that there is some sort of revival coming back.

I know that the view is everything is cyclical. What goes around comes around they say. Even though I don't like Justin's music (this is prejudice due to the fact that I don't listen to it at all) I think I understand the significance of him in the music world. The fanaticism that comes with him is our generation's Beatlemania or if your the "i go for local", KRUmania. Ha ha. I remember buying an N'SYNC album after giving away the first one (can't seem to remember why in the first place).

The revival of pop has made for reactions by the Asian contingent through the K-pop wave. This then made for the British dips in the pool of pop. This is all my theory but it makes for a good excuse for the movie doesn't it? Like it or not, what pop brings to the table is a sense of youthfulness and optimism. Most popular pop songs are about the optimism in life. Yes pop has seen changes in terms of its sound but pop is still pop. We do need a little bit of sugary sweet once in awhile I guess. Now I know there's still some issues about the resemblance I am making with Beatlemania and what Justin is doing now, but if you look back Beatlemania started at the very beginning of their careers where they were mostly singing pop songs and had a strict look they needed to portray. I guess it has always been like that as it was with the King of Pop when he starred in the Jacksons.

As always I have no idea whatsoever as to why I am typing all this but I think it will make sense someday in hindsight.

The Big Bang

With a new view (hopefully), I am starting a fresh this year. After what transpired within the course of 2 years I think its best I consider an overhaul. This came after a talk with a beauty expert while my friend was having his facial. Although the expert was talking more about an overhaul of the hair structure, I kinda took it to a new holistic level.

I guess I have started the first phase without it being an official starting point. I'm looking forward to whats coming up in the future.

Four

I think moving forward is always key in anything you do. Of course I have always been a person who champions nostalgia but change is what is needed. Perhaps its not just my choice in changing of lifestyle, most notably now, my eating habits. Lets just hope I have found some inspiration that will bring forth this new view on life. An added note would be that this blog will become more open in terms of privacy but of course I will always have my limits. So upgrade your internet connections as pictures are coming. Ha ha ha.

Insane notions

I've wondered why I haven't been writing (again) after all this while and until now there is no actual reason why. Perhaps its the lack of ideas and inspiration, perhaps its because of the complex or lack of complex life I live in, but whatever it is I'm not writing as much as I used to.

Living my life now and looking back at what I've done of course you would say you could have done things differently but I have never regretted the things I have done and or I haven't done (of which I am trying to reduce). Leap of faith is always needed I think. I guess I want to have a point where I go back in time and talk to my own self where I tell about my life and realize how much I have grown in a holistic nature. Just need to fix some kinks on the time machine. Maybe I need to estimate the quantum effects to lead a measurable violations of the null energy condition. But that's just a small matter. Ha ha.

If you have any idea on what it is I am trying to say, congrats. You must have a Phd. Perhaps you can tell me as I don't know myself.

When reality speaks

Aku di kedai makan yang dibuka 24 jam sehari bersama rakan seperjuangan. Kedai dipenuhi manusia-manusia berbilang bangsa dan umur. Tetapi seperti biasa mereka berumur dilingkungan awal 20-an mendominasi ruang makan ini.

Meja dan kerusi yang diperbuat daripada aluminum ini membuat aku memikirkan tentang efisyensi untuk membasuh persekitaran. Pekerja kedai makan ini sudah pon mengambil pesanan makananku. Rakanku meminta roti bakar 1set dan teh tarik. Buat masa ini aku tidak begitu pelik kerna aku hidup dengan manusia-manusia yang order seperti ini.

Aku pandang beliau dan berkata "roti je?". Hanya sebagai satu tolakan untuk menghasilkan momentum perbualan kearah yang berlainan kerna beliau bertanya tentang diriku. "A'ah, aku nak diet. Resolution aku tahun ini is to diet," beliau menjawap.

Jawapan diet itu tidak membuatkan aku terkejut, apa yang mengejutkan adalah beliau mempunyai resolusi tahunan. Aku malas mahu bertanya tentang peratusan sukses resolusi tahunan beliau sebelum ini tetapi aku boleh mendapat gambaran. Anggaran aku paling tinggi 70 peratus.

Sambil aku menghabiskan makananku beliau memandangku sambil minum teh tarik. Tiada suara yang dilontarkan ke arahku. Buat seketika dunia senyap. Beliau mengarahkan mata ke kiri dan kanan seperti budak nakal yang ingin membuat sesuatu dan melihat jikalau ada mata memandang.

Beliau mengangkat tangan dan memanggil pekerja kedai itu untuk memesan minuman. "Satu lagi teh tarik." Pekerja itu mengangguk dan berjalan menghala ke dapur. Rakanku kelihatan masih lagi kurang puas dan menjerit "nasi lemak ayam satu bang."

20 peratus.