Kertas Hati

After having just finished watching Paper Heart I thought of posting in the lines of what the semi-documentary or mockumentary was portraying but it would get really personal to do so.

It did got me thinking of the variety one distinguishes in being in love. People have there own preferences of the ideal mate. Does opposite really do attract or is that just a myth brought to meet people up from different backgrounds? Like everything else in this world, it's rather complex but yet the most simpler form of affection.

In other words, it's fucking complicated.

Some people can tolerate things than others. Although there is scientifically proven chemistry in love, there is nothing that beats the magic of it. Well that was from a biologist she interviewed in the movie so I'm guessing he's right (the cliché of nodding the things that comes out from the mouths of doctors and scientist). Ha ha ha. What am I blabbing about? I myself am mystified.

So sip that cup of joe and live for the moment will ya.

/ˈkreɪ zi/

I can't sleep. Now thats not something new if you knew me well and especially since I have an early class tomorrow. So here I am trying to post something to amuse myself. Things are getting a wee personal here in this blog ain't it? Ha ha ha.

There's this kind of miss conception that only girls (and celebrities) get hit on or worse yet stalked. This is, from my experience and those around me, untrue. Although it may seem a little bit uncommon but do believe me when I say it happens. Sometimes it gets a little too ugly for my taste. Unknown callers, unknown messengers and other form of communications.

I think it all started, at an early age mind you (I dub 14 and 15 as early age, heh) with the oh so common, rumor type, "she likes you" sentence from another friend. I think its common on both side of the sexes. I used to be a very private person, I think I still am in different ways, although my blog begs to differ. I remember the "my friend likes you" talks. As I grew older, my sense of humor began to develop (and still am hopefully) so I began to interact with these people because I'm just good like that (someone is dying of laughter right now).

To know me well is, i believe, hard. Not in that arrogant, snobbish celebrity kind of way but more of because you have to endure my, as some call and agree, "evilness". I once had a girl dedicated and sang to me before. Another person also made me food, which although sounds soooo me, I didn't eat. I gave it to the boys at my house.

I try to be very responsive, as much as I can, to these, ummm.. advances?. Sometimes though I get irritated. I guess thats why I have deleted my account on two socializing sites. I got a message earlier asking for my ym which I thought was inappropriate since a) I didn't know her b) it was the freaking first message from her, ever.

There was another person who said her name was Eve (her real name isn't Eve but the Islamic version of it). I replied my name is not Adam, which I thought was the lamest joke I could have ever came up with. She replied "apa awak cakap ni?". At this point I knew this was going nowhere if you knew me well but I tried to poke it for awhile amusing myself with her questions and reactions. She then said that she was looking for a nice guy to be her boyfriend. I replied "well, good for you". She then replied back saying "nape good?". I was dumbfounded and not in the good positive way.

I can get along with people fairly well if I liked their personality. Although I do have some more stories to tell but this time we'll just leave it here. Maybe on another time. Probably. So I guess what I'm saying is that it doesn't always happen to girls.

note: Most of the messages from the girls mentioned above were in reality in Malay. Just translate it into your most annoying tone.

Isi Jalan

I find it fascinating how an idea comes about. Like how the show Entourage is loosely based on the career of their executive producer Mark Wahlberg and I bet you that some of The Beatles's songs was inspired after smoking some herbal cigarettes. Ha ha.

I'm here to share with you, yes the two of you, how I came about having a not so long story made here in this blog. I wrote it , like many other post before it, with past stories in mind, a bunch of fantasies with music as my driving force for the flow of the story. So here I'm posting the songs I had listened to when I wrote that damn thing. Just for you to understand it better? and because its my blog.

Heh.

Start
1. You Only Live Once – The Strokes.
2. Main Offender – The Hives
3. Anarchy in the UK – Sex Pistols

1 km
1. Modern Nature – Sondre Lerche
2. The Way – Fastball
3. Virginia Moon – Foo Fighters

2 km
1. Drive – Incubus
2. 1234 - Feist
3. A Hard Rain's A-Gonna Fall – Bob Dylan

3 km
1. Subtitles – Eric Hutchinson
2. Transmission – Joy Division
3. She’s in Fashion – Suede

4 km
1. Heroes - Wallflowers
2. This is not a test - She & Him
3. Mad World – Gary Jules

5 km
1. Hope for the Hopeless – A Fine Frenzy
2. The World You Love – Jimmy Eat World
3. Oh, It is Love - Hellogoodbye

End
1. Warmest Part of winter - Voxtrot
2. Wires - Athlete
3. Halfway Home – Jason Mraz

Dah macam soundtrack plak. But no worries. Like I'd care that much. So if you do not know any one of the songs and would like to listen to 'em please youtube them. I do not condone the act of piracy. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. I cried myself in laughter jap tadi.

To those who have any other songs that would go with the story please leave it in the comment box. Ha ha ha.

End

I have just arrived at the airport and got on the train to meet up with Mark.

It has been 25 years since that trip and I remember it like it was yesterday. All of us have gone to other countries taking jobs we never knew we were even qualified for. Mark is a well known agent for a big talent agency while Daisy is a big executive in a record company. As for me I'm a little known film director.

All of us have met up few times a year but we haven't had the time in these last 5 years. Work commitments and the long flights have made it difficult.

Mark has 5 children with his European born wife which was quite a shocker to all since he was the first one to tie the knot. Daisy was married for awhile and had one child before she got a divorce. I have not taken the plunge but had gone through some hits and misses as it was with my career.

It was in the middle of winter when I had heard the news and got on the first flight here. The train ride felt like a lifetime as I reminisced times gone by. The time we had a laugh in our hometown, the times when we pranked the substitute teachers, the concerts we would go to just to avoid the many angry faces at home and of course that trip.

As I arrived at the destination Mark was waiting standing on the deck of the train station. Wearing this grey overcoat with the collars up. We was still puffing away at a light cigarette even though he had quit for the last 5 years. I got off the train and met him with a warm hug that went numb because of the cold weather. We took our bags and hoped on a cab to the hospital.

Daisy's son, John, greeted us there. We could see he had been sleeping in the hospital as pillows and a blanket was on top of the sofa. We saw her on the bed with her eyes closed. John said that she had been in a coma for the last few months but there was no good news to tell us. She was rapidly deteriorating.

We took turns accompanying her in the last couple weeks of her life on earth. She died shortly before the end of winter. Before we knew it, we were all giving eulogies at the funeral. It was an intimate funeral with few close friends and families. Distraught at the way it ended Mark, John and I stayed up all night in silence in front of the fireplace with a cup of hot coco.

Before dawn broke we took John's car and drove the night away. We reached the beach not too long afterwards and sat looking at the sunset. Telling of stories gone by to each other. I brought along a compilation cd with our favorite song on it. Put it in the car and just laid on the beach looking up at the sky.

"I fall asleep with my friends around me,
The only place I know I feel safe;
I'm gonna call this home.
The open road is still miles away.
Ain't nothing serious,
We still have our fun.
Oh we had it once.
But windows open and close,
That's just how it goes."

She's made it, somewhere.

Useless facts 2

The Chinese, in olden days, used marijuana only as a remedy for dysentery.

If you really had dysentery than you really do need some good shit (no pun intended). Ha ha ha.

5km

As we finished our scrumptious dessert we headed back on the road. Destination, home. Mark took to the wheels this time around. It was the freeway, the wind brushing ever so gently calling for us to go home. Mark drove slowly just to piss off the cars coming behind us. We would laugh whenever they overtook us and honked 

at our car while making that pissed off look. The night was coming. The sun slowly came down as the sun rays dimmed softly behind all the fluffy clouds.

The three of us silent in our thoughts. The sound of the stereo surrounded the mood. Each and everyone of us thinking of what's to come. We were the kind of people that lived each day as it passed but that day, that particular day we stood in front of our futures searching for the answers to all of our burning questions. What will become of us in a couple of years time. Will we flourish in our desires or succumb to the public greed?

Daisy once said that we were the total opposite of creative and that we shouldn't go into the arts. We were more the commentators of art from afar but somehow that what made us click. Our love for the arts as outsiders. We weren't going to pick up an instrument or a brush any time soon but we were content. For that brief moment we felt like art. We were somehow important. Breaking out of our shells and into the world. For once, we were, us.

The world somehow knew what the state our minds were in so before we became muted by too much pondering around, the stereo softly produced few sounds of bass and drums that would later become Jimmy Eat World's 'The World You Love'. Without hesitation or any awkward winks, the three of us simultaneously sang the song word by word. It was less than a stellar showing of melodic harmonies but that was the nature of the song. Then came our favorite part of the song and we took the volume to another notch higher.

"I fall asleep with my friends around me,
The only place I know I feel safe;
I'm gonna call this home.
The open road is still miles away.
Ain't nothing serious,
We still have our fun.
Oh we had it once.
But windows open and close,
That's just how it goes."

We saw the sun sets in the mist. We were home. We sent Mark first. Then I took Daisy back to her home. We had little chats on the way back. It wasn't a long journey as we all lived close by to one another. When we arrived and she got out of the car, I breathed deeply at what I was about to do later. 

I followed her and asked to talk in front of her house. Her mom was already pissed off that we went out on a school day so she didn't mind the screaming in the background. I never regretted saying it to her. Especially her. 

I told her I was falling for her. We both stood there silent, looking at each other. She knew. I knew. We both knew.

I got into my car and drove back for my interrogations.

Useless facts 1

Clinophobia is the fear of beds!

Which I think all of MMU doesn't have. As a matter of fact, I don't think anyone I know has it.

Tin bergema

Inspirasi tergendala akibat hancurnya emosi luaran. Tapi aku tahu, ia tidak akan berkekalan selamanya.


Mungkin sampai satu masa nanti, manusia akan nampak betapa indahnya manusia lain dan tidak selalu pandang pada cermin semata-mata.


Intonasi suara luaran terlalu kuat walaupun pada hakikatnya dasar dalaman dan asas penyuaraan itu lemah dan kosong.

4km

The breeze of fresh air surrounded the interior of the car. Nature's air condition they say. Wallflower's 'Heroes' was playing from one of many cd compilations we did. We weren't the kind of kids blessed with wealthy families that could easily go to the music stores and buy cds. Plus we would make our own "perfect" albums albeit without the licensing.

My stomach began to grumble. So we stopped at a nearby hawker stall. It was those van turn stall type of things where they sell rojak, cendols and other side hawker foods. As we were slurping away at our cendol pulut, an old man walked to our table. It was a little van so there was little amount of tables that were set up.

This man walking with a cane brought along one of his grandchild for company. There were there to get their usual cendol to take back home. He began to make small conversations asking us where we were from and all that. He then reminisced about the good ol' days.

"This plot of land used to be a forest you know" he said. "There used to be a river flowing right were that drainage used to be" he added. "We used to go out hunting on the weekends. Now it's all developments. Buildings and houses rising everywhere. I just hope my grandchildren does not live in a world where they forget their roots, their origins" he said as he patted the head of his grandchild. All of us just nodded in agreement.

When his order arrived he took it in one of his hand and the other on his cane. His grandchild helped him up. Hold him tightly as they were going to cross the street. He looked at us and said "I guess this is goodbye then. Hope to see you guys again". We only smiled back as to say goodbye.

We looked at each other as if one of us were about to say something but there was silence as the breeze took the words out of our mouths.

3km

This "trip" was not something new as we have all gone through skipping school and going out before but somehow this redefined and amplified our teenage years. It was basically coming to an end. Our mischievous and weirdly awkward pranks on others have now become the thing of the past. It was a transition that none of us ever thought possible.

Mark had always been one of those cool guy in our school. The early rebel. The guy that could do anything at school whether good or bad and would still make it look cool. He wasn't this way early on when I met him though. He would get made to buy stuff for the older kids on our playground where most of our adolescent life was spent.

Then one day he had an epiphany of some sort when we were watching 'Rebel without a cause' starring James Dean. He was hooked. He started little by little as at first he copied James Dean's look and eventually progressing as the years gone by. It did hurt him a little as he sometimes hung out with what your parents would define as the bad kids but he knew his boundaries.

He was my co-driver in all forms. Most of the kids at school never knew why someone like him would hang out with someone as primitive as I was but none of us mind, as would the rest, eventually. Plus he knew Kiyoshi well so he was obvious choice for a co-driver.

The first time I saw Daisy was in freshman year of high school. She was in my class and all I could think of was how beautiful she was. Her eyes twinkled with the sight of sunshine coming through, not in that storm x-men kind of way but beautiful. She was one of the most beautiful and popular kid at school. Outgoing and warm hearted she was even clever.She easily became my first crush.

We then knew each other personally during the senior year of high school and later on became best friends. She was always supportive of the two of us even if Mark and me didn't have the slightest of chances. That was how she was I guess. Her smile would take all the bad in this world away for one brief moment.

We were in this "trip" together. The whole nine yards, every inch of the way. Two guys, one girl, with no particular place to go.