I've found that inspiration is hard to come by nowadays. Perhaps its becuase I'm getting older. Perhaps its because of the change I'm going through. Or even the fact that it could just be my limitation.
Regardless, I'm praying that I am still able to create, imagine and dream.
While I'm at it, I would also like to pray for my sanity and having the pieces fall into place. There are still a lot of question that needs answering, which I'm hoping that the answers are what I want to hear.
Mark sent me home after some light brunch at Daisy's. If I knew there was brunch I wouldn't have bothered with breakfast and an awkward conversation with a stranger.
This was my home. The place I grew up. As obvious as it was, it never felt that way. I was greeted by my mom who immediately felt like she had to feed me and asking as to whether I'm eating enough. Mothers.
It would be awhile before I could familiarise myself with the space that was my room. It hadn't changed much since the day I left. Mothers.
She started some small talk about the wedding. I only answered in one liners. Typical.
I then proceeded to stay in my room and just listen to Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, because, well, can you go wrong with any of their catalogs? Typical.
As I lay on my bed listening to John, Paul, George and Ringo, I pictured how we were not too long ago. Of optimistic enthusiasm thinking how we could change the world. Youthful ignorance they say. Hey, ignorance is bliss.
I could sense that my grip was loosening
she turned away slowly as if it was in slow motion
my hands I saw only red
dripping itself down to the earth
I felt a throbbing pain coming from my chest
a sharp edge, deep, piercing
eyes slowly rolled upwards
now on my knees as I watch pavement come
Flashing lights
then darkness soon after
the streets sang loud
"I came to this world with nothing,
and I leave with nothing but love,
Everything else is just borrowed"
I am hoping this to be a new lease and an end to something that has been attached with me for far too long. Along with a song that I would think seems to be a tarantino like choice of song.
"So you're back for good?" asked Tom, Daisy's father. "I don't think so. I am going back as soon as everything's over." I replied. "Well you should stay here longer. Especially since you haven't been in contact with anybody for the last couple years" Tom said with a serious tone. "We'll see how everything goes then." I ended.
I didn't have much contact after I left this place trying to search for a career. I tried to find myself more than a career for the most part. Along the way the career took over. Plucking my way from obscurity to mediocrity is not an easy thing to do. I place myself deep in work perhaps more so to distance myself from this place.
As we walked past the house and onto the backyard full of colorful flowers it dawned to me as to the depth of this event. Not as if I have not been to one of these before. The large white tents fill the big empty space and yet does not outshine the flowers on display. "Its looking beautiful Tom." I said trying to break an awkward silence. "Well thanks to you" he replied. " I just gave Daisy some suggestions" I said while circling the surroundings. "You know how much she values your opinion. More reason for you to still be here after this all ends" Tom said. "I'm sure there's not much reason for me here especially with the past" I replied.
Tom had his arm on my shoulder and said "Look, that's the past. Sometimes all you can do is just be there and water the flowers and let it grow."
"Whatever it is that you're on right now, I want some."
All three of us are now inside Mark's brand new Japanese made car that perhaps lack that bit of character as most new car do. Mark has always been one to indulge on the latest things that mankind, or should I put it "globalization", has to offer. These roads, however newly paved they are, can never get away from its familiarity. It seems like I've never left at all.
"We're going to Daisy's first" Mark turned and said. "You should watch the road, and why?" I replied. Daisy intervened saying "You know how my dad loves you. He would like to see you when you've arrived. Heck he loves you more than my brother." "That's what I was afraid of" I sighed. The next few minutes just became this silent passing of nature through the automated window. Not for the lack of conversational item, we always seem to have that innate sense of when to talk and when to just to enjoy the silence of each other.
When we got to Daisy's house there was his dad already outside just watering the lily that's been growing in their lawn for ever since I could remember. I go up and say hi thinking that he'll probably start by giving me lectures on how to grow lilies. Which sure enough he does. Talking about the portions of watering needed and how to talk to them while watering. Not that I wasn't interested, its just that somehow he would forget every time I meet him that he talks about this all the time and only after giving the lecture would he talk about other things.
