Saturday, November 19, 2011

Dark Grey

She started out with "Hey, how are you doing?". How was I to answer that without having a meltdown? I replied with a low volume "Fine, I guess." I haven't heard from her in a few years now. Although I thought I had been prepared for this moment, the realization that it is finally happening is, I imagine, how people feel when they get shot. By a firing squad. She began making small talk asking about my life which I didn't have much to talk about.

"I'm just calling in to talk to you about something" she then continued. I would have had an awesome comeback for these things but at the current state I was in my numb body could only go "em..". "I think you've heard by now that I'm engaged, so I'm calling to invite you to my wedding before word got out on the date and stuff. I thought it'd be appropriate for me to notify you personally before anyone else". At this moment I felt my soul left my body to try find a place to kill itself somehow, because well, that made a whole lot of sense, you know, your lifeless entity separate itself from its being and tries to kill itself. I didn't say a word for what seems like an eternity until I mustered out "oh, okay."

She then gave the details of her big day and finished with "I really hope you'll be there and it would mean so much to me if you could do a performance or something but if you can't then that's fine, I understand." What was I to say. Of course the right thing to do was decline but when your brain isn't working that well the only two syllables that could come out of my mouth was "o-kay". Okay so it was more like two alphabets but you get my point. "So great, hope to see you soon to catch up or something." she said before ending the call.

As I put back my phone into my pocket all the past memories came back to me immediately. The ones I have been trying to suppress for all this couple of years. All the good and bad lump into one long montage like the ones you see at the beginning of any series episodes to get you up to date with the story line so far. I got back into the car, stared at the long road ahead and just drove. I reached at the building where my meeting was held with a guitar in my hand and baggage in my head.