Start

I awoken to the loud noise of the alarm. It screeched even louder as I let it be for I was extremely tired. I took the alarm clock and threw it to the wall. Shattered pieces dropped to the floor. Damn. I woke up dead I thought. Dropped down to my natural being and went into the bathroom. Looking at the mirror half alive it took some big splashes of water to at least be aware of my surroundings. Dripping wet from the splashes I took out the essentials from the medicine cabinet in front of me.

It took awhile to finish up as most of the time drops of water splashed on the floor instead of anywhere near me. I searched for the ironed shirt I was to wear today. All white with my name on it. It would be the start of another semi-tiring day. I shook my head as I just realized today it was a tie compulsory day. Damn. I have never liked ties. Ever since I could remember it was some kind of choking equipment for me. Choking the life out of you as the day passes. By the end of it, you'd feel like those horror movie endings where the villain dies, and you, of course, the villain.

I was a villian in the making I always thought to myself. Trying to find that perfect timing to start my killing spree. I never would have thought that it would be this early in life. I stood silent at the dinning table drinking my morning coffee. As if somehow this drink will give me the energy I need to do what needs to be done. Little was to be done today. Had my mini sandwhich before finally calling my friend to pick me up. As usual he's 15 minutes late.

Its embeded in all of us here to be late especially among my gender. It will take a little while to be a customed to it but in the end everybody's 15 minute late for everything. So the car arrived and my friend, Mark, invited me into the car while his brother who was driving us stayed silent. Maybe he hadn't had that morning coffee to start his day. Off we went. It wasn't far but since we were that lazy we took the car. Me and Mark were quite close since we grew up in the same neighbourhood together our whole lives. As friends were, the first few years we wouldn't have talked much but later progessively we gelled well enough to be called best friends.

Both Mark and I arrived on the school grounds mili seconds before the first bell. Of course we couldn't have cared less.

The Mask

Minta maaf atas post-post terdahulu yang membawa tona "honey and clover". Mungkin sebab permandangan aku terhadap dunia telah berubah atau aku sebenarnya sudah begini cuma kali ini ada platform untuk berinteraksi.

Atau juga sebab aku suka "honey and clover".

Mungkin.

White Snow

Berjalan bersendirian atas jalan licin tanpa pertolongan orang ramai, mungkin sesuatu yang bodoh. Jatuh berkali-kali tanpa dorongan. Satu detik keperitan dunia. Berjalan di tengah-tengah tasik beku di kelilingi tumbuhan mati dan angin yang kencang membunuh inspirasi pada mata yang memandang.

Kesejukan, kotor dan lemah kita masih cuba untuk menyeberangi tasik ini yang putih membeku hati masing-masing. Tangan-tangan mereka yang berdiri (dekat) untuk mendorong, dekat hanya pada mata tapi masih jauh untuk genggaman erat. Mereka yang tidak pedulikan kamu lebih dekat berbanding daripada merka yang mahu kamu berjaya.

Jangan rasa terpinggir, ambil tiket kamu dan beratur bersama-sama. Menunggu untuk ke kaunter.

Rainbows

Berhenti aku seketika untuk menerima se-adanya realiti kehidupan. Atmosfera dunia kini lebih laju berbanding sebelumnya. Permandangan jauh bagaikan aksi lumba kenderaan beroda. Hari-hari yang aku inginkan kedamaian adalah hari-hari masa lampau.

Ia bagaikan mereka ini melayan kelajuan untuk memenuhi sebahagian (besar) ruang kehidupan untuk bergembira. Pada waktu yang sama, mereka yang inginkan kelajuan separa di tindas dan di fikirkan tidak relevan pada masa kini. Lagi jauh pandangan orang, lagi bertambah kelajuan hidup.

Warna-warna kehidupan terdahulu di gantikan dengan warna-warna pudar yang pabila bergabung dalam kelajuan sebegini menjadi warna kelabu. Kelabunya kehidupan ini sudah menjadi keadaan yang di anggap biasa atau normal.

Lihatlah gambar kehidupan secara terpeinci agar gambar besarnya penuh warna.

Kurang relevan

I was thinking about life transitions. How are we different now from a few years ago, or a decade ago or so and so ago. Now when asked about what my goals was as a child I would have replied I didn't know. Okay, they actually asked in malay "apa cita-cita kamu?" and I didn't know what the word cita-cita meant so I replied no.

When I finally knew what it meant after hearing my friends answers, I still couldn't pin point a goal. I have always been a short term person, living each day as it passes, but at an early age I knew what I wanted to delve into. Peer pressures and typical conservative mindset manipulated my thoughts. Ever sense I saw Jim Carrey as a little kid I wanted to be a comedian, or at least something involving arts. My kindergarten years was mainly remembered for all the dances we had to do. One particular event we had done was a dance show at central market. I am ,in my mind anyway, a very shy guy but when I was on stage I couldn't have cared less.

Maybe it was because I was a little kid but something made me feel confident. Just like my love for writing. I feel differently about giving out my opinions while writing than talking in real life. Its a wonder why though. Perhaps its a bit of that freedom I feel when writing and the fact that I can delete any errors. Ha ha. There's this conservative template of answers to the question "apa cita-cita kamu" that most of the people I know use. Accountants, doctors and all other "professional" professions are usually the occupations chosen as answers.

I would think that I'd get these snobby facial expressions if I had the guts to say I wanted to be an artist at that time or at least those quizzical "owh's". People were not ready for answers such as artist, photographers and other "abnormal" jobs and I still don't think they are ready as yet. But perhaps there is a paradigm shift in the mentality of our nation and perhaps these mentality will change for the better.