1am?

Sebelum hari natal baru-baru ini aku menghadiri kenduri kahwin makcik aku. Sudah menjadi satu perkara normal apabila aku ditanya soalan-soalan wajib di majlis-majlis sebegini. Sudah pasti bukan soalan-soalan yang aku mahu menjawap.

Pak cik: Ni ada production team tengah cari orang untuk jadi pengacara rancangan kanak-kanak. They need a fluent speaker. Hilmi ko pergi audition la.

Aku pandang beliau fikirkan seperti cliche drunk uncle at weddings. Tapi beliau dengan muka stoic pandang kearahku seperti terfikirkan itu satu cadangan yang munasabah malah hebat daripada beliau.

Pak cik: Eh kejap, they are looking for people between 18-23 years old.

Fuck.

And they wonder how I get my dark sense of humor. Heh.

Selamat Tahun Baru.

Dirty Pop

Maybe change is a bit too much for awhile. Perhaps. It kinda occurred to me while watching Justin Beiber's Never Say Never movie on HBO. Yes. Justin Beiber's movie. The obvious misconception is that I am all "indie" and listen to mostly unheard of songs, but this does not mean I like Justin in any way (or how a 5 year old in the late 90's would say "na'ah"). I am really not sure why I needed to state any of those things but I guess when I watched the movie I realized that there is some sort of revival coming back.

I know that the view is everything is cyclical. What goes around comes around they say. Even though I don't like Justin's music (this is prejudice due to the fact that I don't listen to it at all) I think I understand the significance of him in the music world. The fanaticism that comes with him is our generation's Beatlemania or if your the "i go for local", KRUmania. Ha ha. I remember buying an N'SYNC album after giving away the first one (can't seem to remember why in the first place).

The revival of pop has made for reactions by the Asian contingent through the K-pop wave. This then made for the British dips in the pool of pop. This is all my theory but it makes for a good excuse for the movie doesn't it? Like it or not, what pop brings to the table is a sense of youthfulness and optimism. Most popular pop songs are about the optimism in life. Yes pop has seen changes in terms of its sound but pop is still pop. We do need a little bit of sugary sweet once in awhile I guess. Now I know there's still some issues about the resemblance I am making with Beatlemania and what Justin is doing now, but if you look back Beatlemania started at the very beginning of their careers where they were mostly singing pop songs and had a strict look they needed to portray. I guess it has always been like that as it was with the King of Pop when he starred in the Jacksons.

As always I have no idea whatsoever as to why I am typing all this but I think it will make sense someday in hindsight.

Concealed & Caged

Do I look and think about the past? Of course. I always do, and it will never run out of my system of existence. There are lots of things that I could write about in these blank white pages but I know that deep down it will only hurt me more than anything else.

I guess, I am my own anti-therapist.

History

I've had my fair share of battle wounds,

some won, and some loss.

But now I don't know if I'm ready to loose this war.

I've got nothing to say, tonight.

Even if it means the sanity of my future.

Midnight Scare

In this dark place I sat mentally drained,

emotionally demolished,

physically tired.

And yet when I've tried to die,

I just wander back into that hole,

repeating it again and again.

Floating through limbo,

with nothing but anger, frustration, disbelief,

I cry in silence.

Who are you?

I just need the truth,

Who are you?

Cayalah lu!

This is going to make my blog way more personal than before. But what the heck, it's not as if people read it anyway.

Look at the red arrow I sluggishly made and just ignore the rest. Warden pon dah ade email. Dan ya, saya masih suka pada mail classic, terima kasih.

Hebat.