Of hope

I've found that inspiration is hard to come by nowadays. Perhaps its becuase I'm getting older. Perhaps its because of the change I'm going through. Or even the fact that it could just be my limitation. 

Regardless, I'm praying that I am still able to create, imagine and dream. 

While I'm at it, I would also like to pray for my sanity and having the pieces fall into place. There are still a lot of question that needs answering, which I'm hoping that the answers are what I want to hear.

Its selfish I guess but I can only hope.

Nokhta

Perhaps only in death will you find life.

Anger Repelant

Every once in awhile you think to yourself why am I here? Injustices have been pushing every button imaginable these past months. Patience is a virtue they say. Perhaps. But sometimes its days like these when you ask yourself why.

Payung Lutsinar

Take a deep breath and look outside to see the rain. Drenched. I guess this time of the year what more can you expect. Perhaps its just the cycle of year. Perhaps it's more than that. Regardless this is not the thing I wanted to talk about, but it made for a mellow intro. Ha ha.

Perception, illusion and assumption. All dangerous in their own way and with the now globalized world, these three words become more powerful than ever. With communication between a community a "click a way" (they say) we are becoming more and more distant even if it looks like we are closer now than then. If that made any sense at all then I am sure you might get what I will be trying to say. Ha ha.

Being a human being in this day and age especially as a generation that will steer the country forward we are no longer separated by six degrees.There seems to be pressure for everyone to be connected with one another. Although this can be seen as something positive where people are more united than ever but if the three words mention above becomes the cloud that surrounds us, it will be the crack in the armor of unity. (How cheesy is that?)

My decision not to be too involved in the technological advancement probably have separated me from many acquaintances but it has never come without reasons. People's perception of me does not bother me that much (meaning to say yes it bothers me) but don't let it be what defines me. This seems more and more like a rant. I guess it is.

Perhaps the rain has effected me more than I would admit it had.

Dodgy grass

So as I sit here after a "thank god its an off day" day, I am reminded that it is the father's day weekend. Or is it actually father's day (I am not too sure). While my parents is out having perhaps a father's day dinner out with my sis whose just gone into uni, I am sitting here trying to indulge myself before tomorrow's impending sorrows. (I am quite the optimist as I've been told).

Now before you go "you're not out with your dad on father's day?", know that I did have this mutual day out yesterday as a father-son bonding of sorts by smashing with anger at tiny white spherical entities. Where we did such activities is what I actually wanted to point out. We went to a golf course that got me started in the first place.

Have you been to a place that when you were little you thought the world off but now you just solely think its crap. Like how when you were little you felt that the playground you went to was huge but when you grew older you can see that its freakishly tiny and lame? Well that golf course took me to those fantastic little notion. Perhaps because of its lack of maintenance or perhaps I was mostly high during that time, but whatever it was, its RM50 wasted. Ha ha. We were actually looking forward to going there because of the rate it offered, but by perhaps the 10th hole I said to my dad, "for this lot RM50 is bloody expensive". (Yes, in that snobbish British accent). I could say that because I wasn't paying for the game. If I was, I would not have been there.

I know this story seems to just point out that I'm a dick, but, I can't complaint cause I think that too. Ha ha.

Dirty Pop

Maybe change is a bit too much for awhile. Perhaps. It kinda occurred to me while watching Justin Beiber's Never Say Never movie on HBO. Yes. Justin Beiber's movie. The obvious misconception is that I am all "indie" and listen to mostly unheard of songs, but this does not mean I like Justin in any way (or how a 5 year old in the late 90's would say "na'ah"). I am really not sure why I needed to state any of those things but I guess when I watched the movie I realized that there is some sort of revival coming back.

I know that the view is everything is cyclical. What goes around comes around they say. Even though I don't like Justin's music (this is prejudice due to the fact that I don't listen to it at all) I think I understand the significance of him in the music world. The fanaticism that comes with him is our generation's Beatlemania or if your the "i go for local", KRUmania. Ha ha. I remember buying an N'SYNC album after giving away the first one (can't seem to remember why in the first place).

The revival of pop has made for reactions by the Asian contingent through the K-pop wave. This then made for the British dips in the pool of pop. This is all my theory but it makes for a good excuse for the movie doesn't it? Like it or not, what pop brings to the table is a sense of youthfulness and optimism. Most popular pop songs are about the optimism in life. Yes pop has seen changes in terms of its sound but pop is still pop. We do need a little bit of sugary sweet once in awhile I guess. Now I know there's still some issues about the resemblance I am making with Beatlemania and what Justin is doing now, but if you look back Beatlemania started at the very beginning of their careers where they were mostly singing pop songs and had a strict look they needed to portray. I guess it has always been like that as it was with the King of Pop when he starred in the Jacksons.

As always I have no idea whatsoever as to why I am typing all this but I think it will make sense someday in hindsight.

The Big Bang

With a new view (hopefully), I am starting a fresh this year. After what transpired within the course of 2 years I think its best I consider an overhaul. This came after a talk with a beauty expert while my friend was having his facial. Although the expert was talking more about an overhaul of the hair structure, I kinda took it to a new holistic level.

I guess I have started the first phase without it being an official starting point. I'm looking forward to whats coming up in the future.

Four

I think moving forward is always key in anything you do. Of course I have always been a person who champions nostalgia but change is what is needed. Perhaps its not just my choice in changing of lifestyle, most notably now, my eating habits. Lets just hope I have found some inspiration that will bring forth this new view on life. An added note would be that this blog will become more open in terms of privacy but of course I will always have my limits. So upgrade your internet connections as pictures are coming. Ha ha ha.

Concealed & Caged

Do I look and think about the past? Of course. I always do, and it will never run out of my system of existence. There are lots of things that I could write about in these blank white pages but I know that deep down it will only hurt me more than anything else.

I guess, I am my own anti-therapist.

Insane notions

I've wondered why I haven't been writing (again) after all this while and until now there is no actual reason why. Perhaps its the lack of ideas and inspiration, perhaps its because of the complex or lack of complex life I live in, but whatever it is I'm not writing as much as I used to.

Living my life now and looking back at what I've done of course you would say you could have done things differently but I have never regretted the things I have done and or I haven't done (of which I am trying to reduce). Leap of faith is always needed I think. I guess I want to have a point where I go back in time and talk to my own self where I tell about my life and realize how much I have grown in a holistic nature. Just need to fix some kinks on the time machine. Maybe I need to estimate the quantum effects to lead a measurable violations of the null energy condition. But that's just a small matter. Ha ha.

If you have any idea on what it is I am trying to say, congrats. You must have a Phd. Perhaps you can tell me as I don't know myself.

History

I've had my fair share of battle wounds,

some won, and some loss.

But now I don't know if I'm ready to loose this war.

I've got nothing to say, tonight.

Even if it means the sanity of my future.

Midnight Scare

In this dark place I sat mentally drained,

emotionally demolished,

physically tired.

And yet when I've tried to die,

I just wander back into that hole,

repeating it again and again.

Floating through limbo,

with nothing but anger, frustration, disbelief,

I cry in silence.

Who are you?

I just need the truth,

Who are you?

100m Dash

Bunyi tembakan pistol menandakan permulaan,

setiap mereka berlari mencengkam tanah sepantas mungkin,

termasuk aku.

Sorakan sekeliling menambahkan semangat untuk berlari,

lebih pantas, lebih laju, goyangan kaki melampaui hukum fizik.

Lama-kelamaan semuanya semakin pudar,

sorakan sekeliling, cahaya terpancar dari tubuh badan mereka yang lain,

dan juga persekitaran sekeliling.

Aku menahan kakiku dari melangkah kehadapan,

dan berhenti.

Aku berhenti bukan kerna ingin mengalah,

aku berhenti untuk kewarasan.

Part End

As I was trying to continue "working" on the short story I'm writing I finished up the draft of my list of songs from the previous story. Life as we know it, is a musical. So heres my list of songs that I was either listening to or thinking while writing. The story part by part is re-linked:

Part 1

1. Mew - Repeaterbeater

2. Queens of the Stone Age - Auto Pilot

3. The Beatles - Got To Get You Into My Life

Part 2

1. Almond Hammond Jr. - Borrowed Time

2. The Beatles - A Hard Day's Night

3. Radiohead - We Suck Young Blood

Part 3

1. Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Runaway

2. The Beta Band - Needles in My Eyes

3. Vampire Weekend - The Kids Don't Stand A Chance

Part 4

1. Rachael Yamagata - Worn Me Down

2. Florence and the Machines - Dog Days Are Over

3. Jimi hendrix - Spanish Castle Magic

Part 5

1. The Cribs - Shoot the Poets

2. Plastiscines - Camera

3. Jimi hendrix - Purple Haze

Part 6

1. Carla Bruni - I Went To Heaven

2. The Smiths - Last Night I Deamt That Somebody Loved Me

3. Mumford And Sons - Awake My Soul

Enjoy life while listening to music. If you guys want to hear the songs, again, youtube. Or hop on my ride when I'm hearing 'em. Ha ha ha. If theres any other suggestion of songs feel free to drop a comment.

Funny Ha ha

Pergaulan antara rakan2 kian lama menimbulkan situasi2 janggal. Walaupun sudah lama berkenalan. Tetapi kejanggalan itu yang membuat mereka rapat. Kadang2.

Lagu2 kings of convenience kedengaran didalam kereta pinjam.

Makhluk A: Antikk gak lagu ko pasang dlm kete.

Aku: Ok a ni..skang pn dh mlm nk blk.

Sunyi.

Baru terlintas dalam otak aku yang perkara ini lebih kelakar di dalam fikiran aku.

!

Ekstatik. Harap ia akan menjadi satu landasan untuk membina masa depan.

Hearing aid

Manusia mahu dengar apa yang mereka mahu dengar. Baik perkara itu baik mahupun yang buruk.

Aku sebenarnya ada idea ingin menulis tentang art dan artis. Tapi harini gua xnk layan bende tu.

Tendangan padu

Bola itu ditendang dengan sekuat yang boleh oleh pemain di bahagian pertahanan pasukan itu. Ia ditendang agar mereka di hadapan dapat menyambung momentum bola itu kearah gawang gol.


Sebelum ini mungkin bola itu hanya akan ditendang oleh beberapa orang sebelum sampai ke kawasan terakhir sebelum kotak penalti. Itu hanya cara mereka bermain. Tapi kali ini lain, kali ini mereka ingin terus ke hadapan untuk pemain teratas mereka menyumbatkan gol.


Bola yang ditendang itu melalui semua pemain dan terus keluar padang. Itu perkara biasa. Mereka bermain bola. Cuma bezanya kali ini bola itu keluar kerna tiada pemain dihadapan.


Bola itu bukan sahaja tentang fizik dan fizikal.
Sekarang ia lebih dari itu.

Multiply

Aku harap akan datang aku akan diklonkan dalam kuantiti yang banyak.
Ini bukan kerna mahukan produktiviti ataupun efisyensi.
Ia kerna perasaan malas melayan karenah manusia semata-mata.
Tiada orang mahu layan gua maka gua layan sendiri.


Ci-bai.

Passion

Throw your heart out in front of you, and run ahead and catch it


If only.